Quiet

Chapter Sixty-One: No

"Logan this is for your own good and you know this. Don't you like breathing?"

I didn't acknowledge him speaking to me as Jack came in with a somber look on his face. I looked down at my socks. I was afraid to listen to what Jack was going to say but he told Zack to forget it. If I didn't want to take it I didn't have to.

"Rian is tired of fighting her and if she wants to do it she can, if she doesn't we'll just call for medics and she'll have to go home," Jack said before shrugging and looking at his phone.

Zack turned the machine off and put the mask so it was hooked. There was still medicine in the cup part of the machine. Zack nodded before walking out of the room. I was left sitting in this hard ass chair until Alex came in and sat with me. He moved the other wooden chair in front of me.

"Do you want to go somewhere?" Alex asked and I looked at him as he fixed the hat on his head.

I nodded my head a little. I had been either cooped up in a bus, a hotel room, or on a stage. I didn't feel like I could go out and see the real world anymore. I built walls up around myself but they were different they were to keep me safe. These walls were real and I couldn't escape them. I didn't want to run away, I just wanted to walk around outside. Fuck, I would have even taken going on runs with Zack if it meant it could go outside.

"I'll make you a deal, you finish it and we'll go out," Alex said and grabbed the mask holding it out for me.

I looked at it then at him. I pointed to my watch. It took me almost a full 2 hours before I wasn't shaking to function normally. I could walk and stuff but it's like being cold and not being able to stop shaking. That is the best way to describe it.

"Don't worry about the time. Just take it please Logan," Alex said and looked at me with pleading eyes.

I nodded my head and put my hand out shakily. Alex placed the equipment in my hand and I placed it on my head as tightened the straps as I leaned over to turn the machine on. I put my head back against the wall as Alex looked at me with eyes filled with concerned.

I knew no one was getting sleep with me being here. It wasn't like we got much sleep anyway but I knew there were nights when Rian came in and sat in the nook, since Ryleigh and I usually got a suite, and would rub my back while I tried to sleep. There were nights where I couldn't sleep feeling jacked after taking my treatment where Alex let me come stay with him and Jack. Jack was the messy one of the two but they both left quite a few hotel rooms a little trashed. I slept in the same bed with Jack for a few hours before climbing over to sleep with Alex. Alex would play with my hair while I 'slept' while Jack would trace patterns on my arm or back. I felt the medication enter my body as I began to shake. Alex sat there and watched me putting his hand out to pat my leg.

"Ri-Rian is ma-mad at me." I tried to speak up but it was hard.

"Yeah, Ri is pretty pissed right now. Have you been told you do that well?" Alex chuckled as I nodded.

"Jack and Zack too. Why... why don't you leave me too?" I said and pulled my left leg up to sit on it.

"You're making this harder than it has to be Logan. You know if you just listened and trust us-"

"I do trust you but I... I just want to be alone." I finished and signed the word as Alex looked at me hurt.

"You have about 2 minutes left before your out of medication." He said before getting up to leave the room.

Alex left the room and I put my hands up to my face wiping away the tears away. I felt sick to my stomach as I started to cry. I stopped the machine and stood up moving the trashcan in between my legs. I spit the excess saliva out of my mouth and wiped my nose with tissues ever so often. I was so shaky it wasn't funny. I just wanted to be normal and it sucked. I shoved the chair in front of me Alex had been sitting in and then wanted to cry harder.