𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 [✓]

7. Anxious

Warnings: ANXIETY, a lot of fucking anxiety, slight mention of suicide

I stood in line for Daniel Seavey's meet n greet. The closer I got to the front, the more I felt like ducking out.

Daniel has been my biggest inspiration over the past years, the reason I saved up for singing lessons, the reason I started playing guitar, the reason I hadn't killed myself. I was bullied so much over the past years and had really bad anxiety, frequently suffering from panic attacks.

My best friend and older sister y/f/n squeezed my hand. "C'mon y/n. This is your dream. You saved up for months for this. Don't let yourself back out. Don't give in."

I could feel the edges of panic beginning to wrap around my heart, restricting my lungs, shortening my breaths. I wrung my hands, trying to shove out the anxiety.

Calm down. It's okay. You worked so hard to be standing here. Don't back down.

But what if I tripped? What if Daniel hated me? What if I said something stupid? What if he thought I was weird or weak or something because of this? What if I couldn't even say a word? What if there was something in my teeth or my hairstyle were ugly or I had an awful smile or-

"Y/n." y/f/n squeezed my hand again and I spiraled back to earth. "We're next."

I shook my head. "y/f/n I can't do this. I cant-" my voice pitched up and I shut my eyes, running shaking hands over my cold upper arms.

"Y/n, please honey. Don't do this. Daniel will love you, I'm sure of it."

I shook my head almost violently and began pushing my way through the short line left. y/f/n asked the security of we could go to the very back. He shrugged and said that was fine, although he didn't know why we'd do that.

The line went by all too quickly and we were finally the last people at the front. I was shaking like a leaf and trying to calm down.

Daniel turned to me and I froze. "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," I whispered. "Y/f/n. I can't, I can't. Please just take me home."

The smile dropped into a frown on Daniel's beautiful face. He held out a hand to me. "You okay sweetheart?"

I couldn't move. It was like I was made of marble. I tried to open my mouth but quickly shut it. What was there to say to a famous musician I'd been obsessed with for over four years?

I could vaguely feel my nails digging into my wrist, so hard they were near breaking the skin.

Attention whore. Fake depressed bitch. Loser. Anxious little y/n, too weak to fend for herself. Weak little cunt. Baby. Suicidal skank. Bullied slut.

I whimpered. My chest was so tight that I could hardly breathe.

"Aw, sweetheart. You really don't have to be anxious. Is there I can do to make you feel more comfortable?"

My heartbeat moved to a horrendous gallop, beating so erratically and fast that I thought it might burst from my chest. My wrist hurt but I just continued holding it, unconsciously raking my nails across the skin, blood seeping out slowly, soaking into my sweatshirt.

Y/f/n sighed. "Not really. Once she goes full panic, she locks up until the situation calms. I thought she'd be okay today but maybe she forgot to take her medicine this morning or something."

"So this is a recurring thing?" Daniel's voice was so soft and tender.

My head was getting light. The lack of oxygen made everything spin. I was gonna-

Daniel took hold of my upper arms, placing a soothing hand on my back. I wrung my hands desperately, chewing on my lower lip so hard I could taste blood. My fingers and toes had gone numb and my stomach churned.

"Hey, can somebody get her some water?" His voice lowered to a mumble and he leaned slightly towards y/f/n to say something.

He rubbed up and down my back, whispering soothing things. I tried to focus on the sound of his voice but the rushing in my ears only grew louder and the tidal wave of my anxiety came crashing down, enveloping me in panic.

My breathing sped up, becoming jagged and hitched as it tried to keep up with my galloping heartbeat. Tears stung my eyes and I could vaguely feel broad thumbs gently brush away the drops from my cheeks.

A sob welled up in my throat, squeezing up through my chest and breaking out from between my lips with a force that seemed to turn my legs to gelatin.

Daniel stumbled a little at the sudden shift in weight and knelt down, bringing me opposite him. He kept his hands on my arms to steady me, rubbing them up and down in soothing lines.

"Concentrate on my breathing, sweetheart. Copy it." He coaxed, taking slow deep breaths.

I tried, taking a breath when he did but all that accomplished was making my chest rattle again as it turned rugged on the exhale.

"Try again, darling." He took another steady breath.

I followed his lead again, this time with more promise.

We stayed like that for a long while until one of his bodyguards came back with a cup of water. "Sorry, it took so long. The girls are going nuts out there."

I accepted the cup but didn't drink, my eyes instead focused on my lap.

"I'm sorry, I forgot to take my medicine, I should be better prepared. I'm so sorry you had to witness that. I didn't mean to interrupt your schedule. I can go now. I really-"

"Hey y/n." Daniel cooed softly, rubbing a thumb over my shoulder. "It's okay. It's all good. We all get stressed out and panicked sometimes. I'm actually glad that I'm able to help, no matter how."

"How do you know my name?" I mumbled.

"Y/f/n." He said simply.

I nodded, still shaking and mad at myself. Y/n, how could you be so fucking stupid. You fucked everything up. Just like fucking always.

"Hey sweetheart, it's okay. You didn't fuck up anything okay?"

I jerked my head up, flushed and shocked. "Did I say that out loud?"

He nodded and rubbed the back of his neck.

I buried my face in my hands. "I'm just going to go home. Thank you for your help."

"How about you come backstage?" Daniel blurted suddenly. "I could get you in and you could enjoy the show without worrying about anyone else."

My mouth dropped open and I looked up to see if he was joking.

He wasn't.

"Are you serious?" I gaped, bewildered. How could he do that for a girl he didn't even know, someone who caused such an inconvenience at that.

"100%, sweetheart."

***

I fucking hate this and myself for making this. This was absolute shit.

I wrote this on my phone at like 3 am so... whatever? I got an idea and I was too cozy and fucking lazy to get out of bed and get my laptop so this has so many errors and shit. But you know what? I don't give one flying fuck about grammar right now. Fuck that.

Later edit: I couldn't leave it alone. The horrendous grammar got me. I had to come back and fix it. Past Sara, what tf were you on at 3 am?