Charity

Part 3- Discovering I Have Two Hands

Part 3- Discovering I Have Two Hands

I spent that entire summer learning how to swim. Backstroke, freestyle, butterfly, crawl, and any other strokes Charity could think of, I was a pro at; and whenever I wasn’t in the water I was watching Charity swim. To be honest, it was torture. But it definitely paid off. Now, I was like a salmon. No, better than a salmon, a shark or a tuna!

However, none of my tuna-like reflexes helped me figure out exactly what happened on that first lesson with the CPR, and Charity seemed content with forgetting the incident so I didn’t bring it up. Nonetheless, it still hung at the back of my mind during every conversation with her, an omnipresent question that was yearning to be answered.

We were lounging by the side of the pool, laughing and enjoying the last moments of the summer when I spoke up,

“Hey, Charity, my mom always told me that we have two hands: one to help ourselves and one to help others. Well, I really want to return the favor. Is there anything I can do?”

Her eyes widened as she blinked at me a few times, her eyes looked grey again in this light.

“Don’t worry about it! You’ve already given me everything I ever wanted,” she smiled slowly. Her cryptic words not helping the situation.

“But there must be something you want! Is there someone you like? Maybe I could help you with that, return the favor. You know?”

Her face froze and she waited for a second, as if contemplating what to do. Finally, she spoke up, slowly as if trying out the words in her mouth.

“I…do kind of like this one guy. He’s a Junior though.”

“A junior? That’s odd. I never met a girl that was into younger guys,” I stated truthfully, only realizing how bad it sounded afterwards.

“Well, that’s nice of you, but he isn’t younger. I was moved up a year, I’m actually younger than you. I just turned 17 a few weeks ago.”

This I was not expecting, but somehow it didn’t come as a surprise. I’d always known she was smart.

“Well, what’s his name? Maybe I could talk to him for you,” I smiled. Charity simply shook her head, a secretive grin of her own spreading across her face.

“Nope. No names. Besides, it wouldn’t help anyway. The guy I like, he’s into another girl, and I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I’m not gonna be able to win him over.”

“Don’t say that,” I frowned. “There’s always a chance.”

“No, I’m pretty sure my chances with this guy are done. He’s really, really into this girl. He told me straight to my face. I guess I just missed my chance,” she tried to smile but it came out as sort of a sad smirk.  

“Well, maybe you’re right. But I’m sure you’ll find someone even better that that lousy guy. You’re so nice, you definitely deserve someone better.”

“I wish…I wish I had someone as devoted to me as you are to Julia. Someone that wouldn’t think twice about asking the weird senior girl to teach him how to swim , just so that he could impress me,” she sent me a small grin at that, but it barely reached her eyes. In this light they shone a sad, but beautiful brown with dashes of taupe. “I want to be able to know and love someone so much, that we could just call each other idiots or state our minds without worrying about weather or not they other person will ‘approve’. Someone that can look me in the eye and tell me I suck.”

She turned to face me, and laughed quietly.

“But I guess that sounds pretty stupid, huh?”

“No. Not stupid at all. I actually found it really interesting. I hope you find what you’re looking for Charity. I truly do,” I said, comfortingly patting her hand. Despite my efforts, her face fell as she looked away from me.

“Yeah, I hope so too,” she whispered so low I could barely make it out.

Abruptly, she stood up, almost knocking me back in the process.

“Hey, so, tomorrow’s the last day of summer! This is your big chance!”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess you’re right,” I stammered in surprise. Summer’s end had snuck up on me, and suddenly I didn’t feel as excited as before. Sure, I’d finally get to show off my new moves to Julie, but at the same time it would mean that my lessons with Charity had come to an end. In a couple weeks, she’d be off at Columbia while I’ll still be stuck here on my senior year. And no matter how much I thought of Julie and what opportunities this could bring, I couldn’t shake the heavy boulder of grief, pressing down against my chest.

“So are you coming with us to the beach tomorrow? You can watch me finally put my lessons to use and sweep Julie off her feet!” I grinned, forcing myself to think positively. Charity didn’t turn around, but simply shook her head as she replied,

“I can’t. I have…plans tomorrow,” she whispered, standing up abruptly. Her face looked pained and I stood up as well, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, you okay? Oh, you probably wouldn’t know anyone there. But don’t worry, I’ll introduce you to everyone. My friends are all really awesome. Besides, you’re the same age as us so it wouldn’t really matter that you’ve graduated,”

She nodded, saying nothing as she looked down at the floor.

“You’re a certified swimmer. There is no way you could drown. So have some confidence in yourself,” she put a hand on my chest and smiled up at me, her eyes filled with tears, “and go show Julie just how great you are,”

The silence broke my heart as she stared at me, then gasped as she quickly lifted a hand to her eye and felt the tears. She stared at me once more, just long enough for me to watch the first droplet slide down her pale cheek, before running off. Leaving me confused, and wishing with all my heart that I could go back to when my life ‘being flipped’ meant wearing shoes on my hands.

Now, it meant so much worse.