Circles

Chapter Eighteen

         “Alex,” Liz says, sitting next to me on my bed, where I’m curled into a ball with my knees in my chest and my head in my lap. “Alex,” she says more insistently when I don’t answer. “Alex!” she begs.

            I bring my head up from my knees and look at her, but I don’t say anything.

            “Are you okay?” she asks quietly. I shake my head. “What do you need?” I shake my head. “Can you please talk to me?” Liz asks, seemingly on the verge of tears. I shake my head.

            I cannot cope with anything right now. There are no words to describe just how used and violated and broken I feel- or maybe broken is the perfect word. Mike has wanted to get through to me from day one, and congratulations to him, now he did, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I cannot even uncurl myself from my ball. I know I was laying down earlier, but I don’t even remember sitting back up. All I know is that I cannot process anything right now, and I feel bad for Liz for having to deal with me.

            “Alex…” she whispers. I look at her again. “It’s going to be okay. Trust me.” I shake my head and bury my head again. I want to cry, but there are no tears left. “You have to get up.” I shake my head. “Yes, you have to get up. Do you want him to know that he made you like this? If he finds out, he is going to do it again, and maybe even take it farther next time. We don’t know what he’s capable of. But right now you are looking about as submissive as it gets, and that is exactly what he wants. So come on, you have to get up, and we are going to go back outside.”

            I raise my head. “I am not going outside,” I whisper, and my voice cracks. “You can go. I am fine by myself.”

            “You are definitely not fine,” she says matter-of-factly. “But I am going to go outside for a while and see what people are saying and if everyone else realizes what he did.”

            “If they don’t, don’t tell them,” I whisper. “Please.”

            She rubs my back. “I won’t. Promise. I’ll be back soon, okay?” I nod. She turns and leaves, closing the door behind her.

            I keep my head firmly tucked into my lap, unable to look at anything, and deeply afraid. About ten minutes later, the bedroom door opens. I assume it’s Liz so I don’t look up. She comes over and sits next to me on the bed again.

            “Are you okay?” Mike asks. It’s then that I realize Liz is not in the room. He puts a hand around my shoulders and pulls me into a one-armed hug. I am paralyzed with fear, and I never bring my head up. I have no idea what to do. He sits there holding me for a couple minutes until I hear pounding, fast footsteps running up the stairs, and this time it’s Liz who bursts in the room. She runs straight to Mike and screams “GET AWAY FROM HER NOW!” My head never leaves my knees.

            Mike gets up and goes to sit on his bed. “What is your problem?” he asks Liz nonchalantly.

            “I want you to get out of this room,” she says seriously. I can hear the glare in her face, and this time she doesn’t laugh.

            “This is my room. You cannot make me leave, sweetie,” he says back, and I hear the smile in his voice.

            Liz walks over to me. “Alex, we have to go,” she says. I don’t answer or move. “Alex, come on, we are going somewhere else.” I don’t respond. “Alex!” she screams. I start to cry. “Oh, for the love of God,” she says, sprinting out of the room to the top of the stairs. “Cody!” she yells. I hear him come running up the stairs. “I need you to pick her up,” she says. He walks over to me and puts a hand under my knees and another around my upper back. I quickly use my arms to cover my face. I cannot look at anything right now.