This is my Life. I'm not here to make friends, to party, to have fun, to hangout or to go out with someone. This is not for me. This is not what life is to me. For me, the meaning of Life IS to do something commendable, meritorious, something applauding. To be successful. And successful not in the sense of wearing fashionable branded clothes or to become a millionaire. Successful in the sense to be able to stand on my own feet, to be financially independent, to lift the burden off my parent's shoulder, to make them proud.
There's sooo much to achieve. So much to repay. Since my life from the time I can remember my tiny self, it has always been abt growing up quickly and helping my parents, giving them rest. I can't bear seeing them overwork to pay off my clg hefty fees which costs them more than their salary. Working day and night even on sundays, not getting enough rest they need at this age. I can still remember dull and tired faces of my parents sleeping hastily after a long hard tiring day . I couldn't stop the tears falling from my eyes as I looked at their melancholic yet courageous faces.It still brings tears to my eyes.
More than happy moments, moments like this are stored in my memories as they have the power to move me, change me and guide me to my purpose. My purpose of fetching high status respectful job.
The fun and playful life of College is for those kids born to rich parents, who have their destiny written by their upper-class status and broad connections. People who can take risks as they have support of money and society. But in my case I can't take risks. I don't need excitement. I need to be steady. I need to be sure. I need to be predictable. I need to know where my One step will take me and what will be its consequences. I can't makes more mistakes than I already made. I need to be extra cautious.
These kids' clg life might be about fashion, partying, fun, laughing, flirting, making bf/gfs .They can do that. They can have their way. But ME??? I CAN'T...
For me every single moment is that one step ,that one step towards my goal, my dream life, my dream husband, to give my parents rest and peaceful life, to give my parents respectful life , the life I always wanted to give them, to have them visit some beautiful Buddhist countries they always dreamt of going.
And for that I can't miss my balance and make mistake by missing my One step from here to there.
I won't call it paying off the debt of my parents I have over me coz I know never in million lives I can't pay it off. But for my parents happiness, years of hardwork, dedication, sacrifice, for their love and everything they have lost in order to grow me into what I m today this is my small prize to them which I'm ready to pay.
Everyone has lost their expectations from me. So this is to all those people who lost their faith and confidence in me, who made fun of me, mocked me, called me names and said I'm good for nothing, this is to show them WHO I AM and WHAT I CAN DO.
I can't let anyone come in my life, someone to distract me. I don't have time for this. To flirt, to dream abt a Prince Charming who will come and help the stupid me, to have crush on some guy in my class or to fangirl over some dude ( even tho I do adore jungkook from BTS very much. Wishing someday someone like him enters my life) but I can't let my emotions get the best of me . I can't get carried away with teenager hormones and wanting to have fun of teenage life . To gain something u must sacrifice something and I'm sacrificing this, the days where u r young,wild and free and want to experience all the funs and pleasures of the world. I won't let my sacrifice go in vain. I also can't let myself get too attached to people coz attachment means complications, complications means suffering and hurt and that means pain and stress which I have enough Dose of it already.
No worries, if people think I am Boring, mean, unsociable, rude ,arrogant, or unfriendly. Or If they say I have attitude or that I'm allergic to functions, gatherings or them. If they call me names or taunt me for my weaknesses or something I can't do.
Coz I know what my priorities are, what my purpose is.
I know what I am doing and what I should do in my life.
< I hope I always remember this >
Peace!!!
2019, November. 1 st yr of medical clg.
