A/B/O || Jinkook

7. Picture from the past

"Probably because you're lucky enough to be an alpha," Namjoon responds with a smile. 

Lucky? I'm not lucky at all. Sure, it makes the training easier for me, but overall it's horrible. I just want to be normal again. I hate the person I've become since presenting. I enjoyed my life the way it was before. Now everything feels bothersome and it's as if I'm constantly on edge. 

Seokjin sits down next to Namjoon, and I realize that even such a simple action from his part can make me upset. Why did he choose to sit there instead of next to me? I get jealous and upset from the smallest things. 

I end up just kind of poking the toast around on the plate. My appetite is gone, another annoying thing that's started happening to me. When I get angry or upset I don't feel like doing anything. 

"You OK there?" Namjoon asks. 

"I'm fine," I mutter, not bothering to even make it sound believable. 

"I have something to cheer you up," Seokjin says with a smile.

Seeing him smile at me makes me feel better already, but he prepares himself to tell a joke. He clears his throat and that usual mischievous glint in his eyes is back. 

"What do you call a cow with no legs?" he says, barely able to contain himself from saying the answer right away. 

"I dunno, what do you call a cow with no legs?"

"Ground beef!" he says right away and slaps the table while laughing his ugly yet beautiful laugh. 

"Hyung, that sucked," Namjoon says and Seokjin stops laughing and glares at him.

"You just don't know a good joke from a bad one. I'm hilarious. Just like it's impossible for me to be ugly it's also impossible for me to not be funny."

I want to say that I liked his joke, but that would hurt my pride. It honestly sucked just like Namjoon said. I'll just go with something in the middle.

"It was alright," I say casually and try taking another bite of my breakfast. 

"Careful with your words there, kid, or I might just change your rating back to a five again," Seokjin says warningly. 

"You remember that?" I ask in surprise. 

"Yes? Why wouldn't I?"

Oh, right. He forgot about the kiss and touching my dick, not when he rated me after the café incident. I wish so badly that he'd remember our moment together. Maybe then I'd have the courage to ask him out. Alphas are said to be impulsive, and yet the one thing I can't bring myself to do after all these years is to confess that I like him. I'm such a pussy and a bad alpha in general.

"Sorry, I got it wrong. My bad," I mumble. 

The bread just feels soggy in my mouth so I finally give up on finishing it. I excuse myself from the table and let Namjoon have what's left of my toast. I walk back into my bedroom and start digging around in my drawers for something to wear for school. Hoseok and Jimin already left a couple hours ago so I have the room all to myself. I don't find anything appealing to wear, so I end up reaching all the way down to the bottom of the drawer in hopes of finding something, but what I discover there is something completely different. It's the picture of Seokjin I accidentally stole from him two years ago. 

The memories come back to me as if it happened yesterday, but it was actually back when I was in high school and needed someone to pick me up when school ended. In the middle of winter I stood outside in the usual spot, waiting for one of the cars I recognized to pull up. Half an hour passed and all that happened was that my hair became full of snow. Why wasn't anyone coming?

I called Jimin to ask what they were doing and he told me he'd asked Seokjin to pick me up. I called Seokjin instead and he freaked out saying he'd completely forgotten about it. He asked if I couldn't just walk home and I calmly answered that I could do that if he wanted me to freeze to death. To my utter relief he said he didn't want that so he'd come pick me up right away. Who knows, if he'd told me to do it I might've actually walked all the way back home. I was incredibly shy back then and did what everyone told me to. 

About 10 minutes later I saw the rusty blue Toyota coming towards me and when I got inside I was met with Seokjin lovely face. It made me forget I'd been out in the snow waiting for over 40 minutes. Even back then I thought I had a crush on him. Nothing serious, just a bit of admiration from my part, but that was about to change. 

He told me he had some errands to run and that I'd have to wait in the car. That was fine by me, not like I had any say in the matter either way. He drove us to the outskirts of town and ran inside a run down looking shop. I thought it looked a little shady, but I left him to it and searched through the car to find something interesting to do while he was gone. I opened the glove compartment and after digging through the cars old and torn user manuals I found it. Something I never in my life expected to see. Seokjin's nudes. They were right there, hidden away in his car where he expected no one to ever look. 

I was baffled. There were about 10 Polaroid pictures of him taken in front of a mirror. On some pictures he was wearing a see through white shirt and nothing else, and on the others he was completely naked, leaving nothing to the imagination. I barely dared to look at them because I was embarrassed and I was clearly not supposed to have found them in the first place. I knew I wasn't supposed to... but my eyes eventually took in every detail of the pictures. His body was unlike anything I'd seen before, and my lower regions started mirroring what his looked like in the pictures. For the first time in my life I got hard looking at a man. It made me realize my admiration for him might be something more serious than just a crush. 

In the corner of my eye I saw the door to the shop open and Seokjin started heading back to the car. In a state of panic I practically tore off my jacket to use it to hide the bulge in my pants and quickly stuffed the pictures back where I found them. Seokjin approached quicker than I expected and I closed the glove compartment at the speed of light. The force from my actions made one of the pictures slip out and fall down on the floor. Right then Seokjin opened the door to the car and I had no choice but to hide the picture under my shoe.

He saw that I'd taken off my jacket and asked if I wasn't cold. I lied and said I'd warmed up in the car, when in fact I was freezing since his crappy car didn't have any heating. But rather that than him finding out I was sporting a boner. Just sitting next to him made me feel guilty and nervous. I felt like he knew what I'd done, even though he obviously didn't have a clue. 

The entire ride home I kept the picture under my shoe and when I eventually stepped out I carefully picked it up when he wasn't looking and slid it into my pocket. The plan was to return the picture to where it belonged later, but I ended up just putting it in the drawer and leaving it there, a little scared to even acknowledge it's existence. 

I still don't know why he had those pictures in the first place. I mean, Seokjin busted Jimin with taking nudes once (a very awkward moment of all of us in the apartment) and scolded him like there was no tomorrow. He said someone could hack his phone and spread the pictures online. A bit hypocritical since he clearly had nudes of his own hidden away. 

Looking at the picture even now I feel my heart racing. He's truly so beautiful. Somehow I managed to get the best picture with me too. It's one where he's wearing the white shirt. It hangs loosely over his shoulders as he sits on the floor in front of the mirror with his legs spread out and his erection pointing up towards the sky. It's unfathomable that he actually exists in the same worlds as me. He's like an angel yet I actually live in the same house as him and get to see and talk to him every day. 

I feel the fabric of the sweatpants tightening around me and when I look down I realize I have a problem to deal with. I've never actually masturbated while thinking of Seokjin, and I have a strong feeling I won't get rid of this hard-on unless I do.