ecstasy. || jeffmads (DISCONTINUED)

| t w e n t y - s i x |

♢♢♢♢

Feelings.

Emotions.

Attractions.

I get it. I understand. I understand the meanings of all these things, but it's difficult. Complicated. I don't know how to explain it, but it's complicated. I've seen you, spoken to you, studied you and the mechanisms of your thoughts, the way you think, express your feelings. I noticed something. I noticed you're different. Very. You're different to practically every one I've ever met. I'm only 17, sure, but so many people are the same. You see them, like them, talk to them. You think they're different until they do or say something utterly uncalled for. We're kids, we have so much to learn. I'm not perfect, hell nah. Far from it. But you are. By perfect, no, I don't mean you're a saint but you're perfect the way you are. I'm rambling, aren't I? Alright, let me get straight to it.

I like you. Okay. I do. I don't know how long it's been, but I really only noticed it that day we spoke on the phone. Particularly after you told me you thought I had a nice accent, then again when you called me sweet. I got this feeling in my chest. I couldn't quite identify it, but after I said that thing that upset you, after you cut the phone, I found it. I felt so terrible for upsetting you. I didn't mean to say it, but I panicked because, it's true, I was flattered. I was just trying so hard not to make it obvious, because, Thomas, you make me feel like I matter. You make me feel like I have a purpose on this earth. You make me feel happy to be alive in this day and age.

Honestly, I've always thought my life couldn't get any worse, but I realised I'm pretty fucking lucky. Because of you, I stopped calling myself worthless, useless, unimportant. Because of you I've tried to see the good things that happen. I still largely feel that the world has been ruined, but because of you, I see a speck of light. Fuck, I'm being cheesy.