Running from You

28

"You're nervous".
I look up at Lucas, who's staring at me with crossed arms.
"Duh" I say. "He's my dad".
"I'm not blaming you, I'm just observing" he says, and he reaches out and pats my hand.
"You'll do fine" he assures me.
"Thanks" I say, and I sigh as I look at the door of the small café we're in.

The door opens, and a man walks in. I feel a rush going through my veins when he takes off his sunglasses and scans the room with his dark grey eyes. They land on me, and stay there for a moment. Lucas slowly pulls his hand back, staring at the tattoo on the man's shoulder.
Sylvia.
I wonder why he has my mom's name tattood on him so blatantly. He chose to leave, right? Is it because he regrets it? Does he has my name tattood somewhere else on his body too?
"Dean?" he asks, his voice quivering a little. He runs a hand through his red hair, and I can't help but stare at him as he does so. His arms are muscled, and through his jeans I can see his legs are too.
"Yes" I say, surprising myself with how steady my voice sounds. "You're Rob".
"I am" he says. His eyes slide towards Lucas.
"Lucas" he nods.
"Y-yeah" Lucas stutters. "Hi. I feel awkward. Should I leave?"
"No, it's okay" Rob says quickly. "Do you want a drink? I'll pay".

I'm about to say no, but I see Lucas is scanning the menu. It'll be weird if he buys my friend something but not me.
"I'll have a cappuccino" I say.
"Hot chocolate" Lucas mumbles, staring at his hands. He's fiddling with his collar. He's wearing his own hoodie again, my mom washed it for him while he borrowed mine.
"Okay, very good" Rob says, and he orders the drinks. He gets himself black coffee, the same as my mom always does. Then he turns to me.
"Wow" he says quietly. I feel my face burning. For the first time in a while, it's not because of Lucas.
"You look just like her" he says.
"Yeah" I say. "Except for the eyes. Hers are brown and mine are blue".
"Blue-greyish" Lucas corrects me.
"Right" I nod. "So kinda like yours".

Rob smiles, and shakes his head.
"You talk just like her too" he says. "The same mannerisms... I heard that on the phone already".
"That's cool" I say, by lack of better words.
"It's wonderful" he says, and he inspects me closely. I feel highly uncomfortable.
"You're probably wondering why I left" he then says.
"Yes" I say, a little too quickly. I'm just glad if finally have an answer for him.
"It's a long story" he sighs. "But here we go".
He carefully tucks his sunglasses away, before looking at me with an intense stare. I resist the urge to shrink backwards.
"Sylvia and I were in love. We thought we would get married. Sadly, her father didn't agree with that. He tried to convince us to break up, but we stayed together. We said it just made us stronger to receive criticism".

"Your order" a waitress interrupts us.
"Thanks" I say, trying not to be annoyed by her. She's just doing her job, of course. I smile politely at her, taking my coffee as she reaches it out to me. She puts the other cups on the table, and dissapears.

"One day, she told me she was pregnant" Rob continues when the waitress is gone. "She was in tears, but I was happy. There would finally be something binding us together for eternity that her dad didn't have control over. We were both underage. We couldn't legally get married yet".
I take a sip of my coffee. I have trouble visualizing a young, naive version of my mom. She's such a decisive and busy woman now.
"Her dad wasn't as happy. He said that if she didn't get an abortion, they would cut off all contact. He also threatened me, telling me that if I stayed with her, he wouldn't help her and the baby financially anymore. Sylvia's mom didn't have much of a say in this, she was too distraught by everything. I panicked. I didn't want Sylvia and her baby to be lost, and I sure wouldn't be able to help. So I left".
He looks at me for a moment. There's a very tense silence.

"Ah" I say, when I realise he's not going to speak until I react. "That's... Concerning".
A small smile comes on Rob's face, as he takes a sip of coffee.
"I tried to get in contact a year later, but your mother wasn't having any of it. She told me she didn't need someone so destructive in her life. She wouldn't even tell me your name, so I wouldn't be able to look you up" he continues. "I'm sorry for never being there Dean. It brings me such joy to see you're doing well in your life".

I stare at him some more.
"Yeah, life's pretty cool" I say. He smiles a little wider, and turns his attention to Lucas.
"I thought you were in Paris" he says. Lucas turns red, and almost chokes on his hot chocolate.
"I'm leaving Saturday" he says. "There were some complications".
"Ah, alright" he says. "You know, you're the only thing I know about Dean's personal life".
I resist the urge to roll my eyes as I drink more coffee.
"Oh really?" Lucas asks, with a small smile. "That's so funny! What did he say about me?"
"Nothing interesting" I say quickly. "Just that you exist".
"He told me he takes care of you" Rob says, and Lucas smiles at me. "And that you left to Paris".
"He takes very good care of me" Lucas nods. "Better than my parents sometimes. And he knows literally everything about me".
"And the same is true in reverse" I add.
"That's great!" Rob laughs.

We make small talk for the rest of the afternoon, and I suddenly catch myself enjoying the chat. That wasn't my intention at all. But he can't be that bad, he seems truly regretful for what he did and he did it with a reason. And he's a pretty charming guy too. However, I still don't want to be friends with him, and I'm not planning on letting him become a father figure either. I just wanted to hear his story and now I did.
"It's probably time to go" I say. "It took my mom a lot of convincing to let me meet you, so I really want to be home in time".
He nods.
"Understandable. It's been great to see you".

We part with an awkward handshake, and I pull Lucas along with me to the subway. There, I sigh, and sit down on a bench. There's one other person, a girl talking to someone on the phone. She's standing at the other side of the station.
"That wasn't that bad, was it?" Lucas asks gently, tilting his head a little. I smile at him.
"It was alright" I admit, and I pull him down so he sits next to me. "Thanks for being there".
"I felt uncomfortable" he says.
"Me too" I say, and I pull him against me. The girl calling her friend looks at us, but I ignore her.

"How's your eyebrow?" I ask. Lucas shrugs.
"It only hurts when I press it" he says. "The spoon didn't hit me very hard, it had a sharp edge".
"Spoons aren't supposed to be sharp" I frown.
"Spoons aren't supposed to be thrown at people" he says.
"But your dad did it anyway".
"He didn't mean to!" Lucas says. "He just doesn't know his own strength after working out so much. Also, he has a terrible aim".
"Right" I say, stroking his hair. "Calm down, I'm just stating the facts".

The subway slowly emerges from its tunnel, and we get in. I choose the most quiet part so we won't be disturbed, and we sit down. Lucas leans against me again, and I put an arm around him. He looks at me, before closing his eyes.
"I don't want to go" he says quietly.
"I know you don't" I say, and I kiss his forehead. "I don't want you to go either".
He smiles a little, and wraps his arms around my waist.
"Do you think we'll make it through a whole year of long distance?" he asks.
"Absolutely" I say. "This isn't just a silly crush, you know that right?"
"I do" he says. "And it isn't for me either".

He opens his eyes, and looks up at me.
"I think that's why it was so hard to realise" he says. "Because it's always kind of been there".
"What?" I ask.
"My feelings" he clarifies. "If I had to rate all of my crushes on a scale of one to ten, and five was bordering having a crush, I think you've always been a five. You've just been slowly climbing your way up lately".
I chuckle, and kiss the tip of his nose.
"How high up was Jay?" I ask.
He frowns for a moment.
"Ninety" he says.
"And me?" I ask.
"Thousand" he says, and he smiles lazily.

"You're tired" I say. "It's pretty early, you should nap until we're home".
"Okay" he nods, and he drops his head back against my shoulder and sighs. As he slowly drifts to sleep, I mindlessly run my fingers through his hair. He murmurs something, which confuses me. He doesn't normally talk in his sleep.
"Did you say something?" I ask as quietly as I can, so I don't wake him up incase he's asleep anyway. With a tired smile, he nods. Quietly, he repeats what he said.
"I love you".

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