Project Fat Suit

Thirty-One: Eavesdropping

Holly looked confused and crushed at my words. She just stood there facing me with an expression that read “why…?”  It wasn’t that much later when tears started coming out of her eyes and she ran off.

Suddenly, I felt horrible. Holly’s face. It was so sad. I felt as if I just kicked a puppy in the face just because I found joy in it.

I looked to my left and saw my reflection in the mirror.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I asked myself that question for the rest of the day. It was easy to blame it on Sherry’s death, but I felt that was just a wimpy answer. Had the stress of Holly knowing about the suit finally gotten to my head? No, I was never really that stressed about it.

“Maybe I’m just a horrible person,” I muttered to myself as I stared at my ceiling while I lay in bed.

“RENA! Do you want to see something?!” Kurt barged into my room, yelling.

“No,” I said flat out. “Get out.”

“But it’s really, really cool!” Kurt said enthusiastically, but then he started giggling and tried to cover it up with a cough and then smiled at me suspiciously.

I rolled my eyes at his sugar rush. “What is it?”

Kurt grinned evilly and took a can of Dr. Pepper from behind his back. “EAT FIZZ,” he shouted loudly and opened the bottle.

Expecting it to spray at me, I flinched away from it, but the can didn’t. Soda just poured from the can and to the ground.

Kurt looked shocked. “What?! I planned this out so carefully!” Kurt moaned, but then realization struck him. “I FORGOT TO SHAKE IT!” Kurt yelled in frustration and then face-palmed himself. “How could I be so stupid?” he pondered as he left the room, leaving the puddle of soda to soil my clean floor.

Idiot.

After cleaning up the mess on my floor, I felt like getting some fresh air. I quickly threw on a hat and left, not really in the mood to put on my suit. If anyone saw me, I’d just run and make them think they were crazy or something. I really didn’t care.

I walked for a while, carefully avoiding the way to Uranus’ and Holly’s houses, not wanting to be reminded of what happened earlier.

I stopped at an intersection to let a car go by.

Should I apologize to Holly?

Part of me wanted to, but another part didn’t. I should because the guilt is eating me away, but I shouldn’t because if Holly was mad at me, that took away half of the problems in my life. I wouldn’t have to be social anymore. And Uranus probably hates me already more insulting his girlfriend the way I did, so I could just avoid him all together and what feelings I had for him would die and that would leave me the way I was before anyone found out.

I forgot how easy it was back then.

I didn’t have to worry about anything. I didn’t have to look out after anyone besides myself and family. I didn’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. I didn’t have to deal with the stress of being social.

But then again, no pain, no gain. I would miss Uranus’s lame jabs against me and Holly’s genuine worry. I would miss Liam and his sweetness.

I shook my head. I probably screwed up all of that by hurting Holly. I don’t think she or Uranus would ever forgive me.

“I don’t know, Trent. What she said really hurt me,” a familiar voice said somewhere in the background.

I looked around, hoping that I wasn’t feeling so guilty about earlier that I started hearing Holly’s voice in my head.