Started With a Lie

Chapter Thirty-Six

        He runs a hand through his hair and steals a glance at me before looking away. “Madam Jin wanted me to drop off some flowers since she couldn’t make it.”

        I was wondering how Mom’s vases of flowers were being changed everyday. Madam Jin still believes that my mother is her daughter-in-law. The thought sends a sick feeling to my stomach. Maybe because a part of me realizes it might be true. But it can’t be.

        “Oh, cool,” I say. We’re using the word ‘cool’ too much. “Do you come often instead of her?” Why am I making stupid conversation? This is Mark!

        “Not really,” he replies. He walks beside me to where Mom’s vases are perched near her bedside table. He takes out the wilting flowers that are there and puts in the daisies he’s brought. Mark looks worn down, like he has to wire himself up every morning. A quiet but thick silence settles over us.

        I pick at my nails even though I’ve just done them for prom. There’s questions I want answers to but I’m afraid of what I’ll get in response. “Why have you been avoiding us? Or should I say…me?” I whisper.

        Mark freezes over the trash can. Quickly, he throws away the wilting flowers. “What do you mean?”

        “You…you just disappeared,” I say.

        “What? I have to report to you every time I need to go somewhere? I have places to be, you know.” His tone is harsh and feels like icicles thrown at me.

        I grip my dress. “Sorry. I didn’t know I was such a bother to you.”  

        He’s washing his hands in the sink in the bathroom connected to the room when I hear an aggravated sigh. Mark wads up the paper towels after he dries his hands and angrily throws them in the trash. “I-I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to sound so rude.”

            “Yeah,” I say, looking at my toes. “You might want to work on that.”

            Mark slumps against the wall he’s next to and I feel an overwhelming itch to comfort him. He seems angry and confused at the same time. “What am I supposed to say to you, Ivory? I…It’s my own fault for letting you grow on me but what am I supposed to do after you basically rip my heart out?”

        Now I’m apologizing. “Mark, I’m sorry.” I turn around and fix Mom’s blankets just to avoid his burning stare. “You deserve more than me. You deserve someone who loves you for you, one hundred percent.”

        “You already said that,” he says. He sounds annoyed but defeated. Another sigh fills the room. “But I can’t get you out of my head, Ivory. You’re everywhere and nowhere at once. I thought I could leave and maybe forget you but then I run into you today and all this—this resolve I’ve been trying to get at is gone just like that. How can I forget you when I want nothing more to just steal you away?”

        My heart is thumping against my chest and I don’t know why. His words are cutting into me, carving themselves into my head. “I….”  

        “You’re so fucking beautiful and you’re intelligent and funny,” he whispers and I can almost feel his stare like hot lasers down my back. “I don’t want to forget you. My life has been so placid for the last ten years. The same routine, the same job, the same lifestyle. And then one day you hop into my car with your bubbly smile and confused face and I knew I wasn’t going to win.”

        “Mark.” I’m holding onto Mom’s blankets so tight I’m scared I’ll tear them apart. I gently pull it over Mom’s chest. “I don’t deserve the words you—”