Rubber Band - The HemiHelix Effect Ep 1

Chapter 1

“Today, finally, is the day.” He thinks, relieved, in a way. The first day of the rest of his life. Men and women behave differently in relationships he has learned to believe from that stupid Mars and Venus book. Men behave like rubber bands, apparently. Occasionally, men have to move away and stretch their legs, their sex lives, or just their partners patience until the rubber band is at full stretch. Then men, apparently, come hurtling back to their relationships at a speed rarely witnessed before, to the delight of everyone involved. Any indiscretions  swiftly forgiven, but surely not forgotten. 

Lukas’s life differs greatly. In his experience it’s the women who run and continue running well beyond the rubber band’s breaking point. And it is him, the male , that has been accused of being clingy, needy and generally pathetic. All this is going to change today. Because he has made up his mind: today is the first day of the rest of your life .

When he opened the envelope earlier this morning he did wonder why he should receive a solicitors letter at this point in time. She hadn't even bothered to tell him. As far as he was aware she had taken the kids to see her mum. As it turns out, on a more permanent basis then he had expected, which he learned when phoned her an hour ago to ask her what the f*ck was going on. What is going on is that apparently she wants a divorce. He picks up the Mars versus Venus book, throws it into the bin and changes into his black suit.

Vladi sits in his usual spot, at the end of the bar, with his elbows resting in a puddle of beer. He looks to be attempting the Telegraph cryptic with difficulty, due to the sodden-ness of the paper and Vladi’s general state of inebriation. Lukas sits down on the bar stool next to his friend, occasional publisher and drinking buddy, and sighs.
“What is it, old boy?” Vladi looks at him with interest.
Lukas meets his eye and realises Vladi is not as far gone as he had expected. But then Lukas never comes in here at this hour. “She wants a divorce.” He states. “Didn't even bother to tell me. Got a letter from her solicitor this morning.”
Vladi reaches up to put his hand on Lukas shoulder. “Sorry, Lukas, I'm really sorry.” He pauses. “But I did see it coming, I've always told you.”
“Yes you have.” Lukas takes the pint of lager that has arrived in front of him and downs most of it in one.
“Did she give a reason?”
Lukas tuts. “Irreconcilable differences.” He finishes the pint and gestures for another. “She was the only one that was irreconcilable about everything I do and ever have done.” He burps. And puts his hand in front of his mouth.
Vladi shakes his head. “How long was it again?”
Lukas looks at him and squints. “You should know, you were best man.”
“It's all a blur.” Vladi cackles.
“It certainly is now. Fifteen years, give or take.”
“What about the kids?”
Lukas shrugs. “She’s taken them to see her mum. I thought it was just a friendly visit. Turns out it’s more permanent than that.” He gulps down his second pint.
“You got to talk to them.” Vladi says, sternly. “Before she talks rubbish into their heads. You know what she’s like!”
“Yes I sure and damn well know what she's like, Vlad! I'm half the man I used to be. She's made me into some pathetic Hanswurst that can’t do anything right.” He laughs into his pint.
“Don't forget, she's an extremely narrow minded person with an even narrower horizon. You just outsize her.”
“Yes, in every way. I'm so big she doesn't see me for the trees, so to speak. Got to go.” Lukas gets up and finishes his pint.
“I wondered what the attire was for. Funeral?”
“Wake. I told you.”
“When did you tell me?”
“Recently. After he died. Yesterday, or the day before. Tibor.”
“Oh yes. Your dad’s mate.”
“I wouldn't be in this country if it hadn't been for him.”
“Yes you did. I remember now.”
“Liar.” Lukas smiles.
“Where is it?”
“English Martyrs. Alexandra Road South.”
“Don't get mugged.”
“Do I look like I'm going to get mugged?”
“No, quite the opposite!” Vladi cackles. “Don't get picked up either.”
Lukas tuts. “Why not? I am, apparently, almost single. You in later?”
“I'm always in.” Says Vladi and orders another pint.