How I Heal

#5

Less.

It's so easy how quickly someone can become less.

It's such an unfathomable concept, cynical even, to think how in a 24 hour span, literally anything can change.

Whatever emotion that attached itself to someone, they could choose whether or not to wear it like one wears a sweater, scarlet lipstick or expensive shoes. It was easy for people to assume they knew somebody based on their expression, but little did everyone know, the faces people wear were all just masks.

We don't just coincidentally become the person that people want us to be, we become the person we never thought we were when we wear these faces.

Take Harry for example.

I never knew he had a smoking habit when I first saw him. I never knew he took anger management until I followed him. I would never expect he had cancer if he never got beat up by the football team.

Something about bad things happening have a way of putting shit into perspective.

Every action had an equal or opposite reaction.

If Harry had a car, he probably wouldn't have run into my best friend and Kourtney.

If Harry hadn't run into them, I probably wouldn't have found out.

But regardless, everything was still hard to process.

"What?" I had replied when I heard.

"I don't wanna assume her sexuality," Harry had said. "But something tells me she likes girls Vi."

2 hours.

It had been 2 hours since I received the news yet, I couldn't believe it.

Now it wasn't an impossible concept.

I didn't mind if she was. What was shocking was the fact that she never told me.

So many years of friendship. So many hours of meaningless conversation.

She could have said something, at least at one point, but she didn't.

I knew I shouldn't have been mad at her for keeping her personal life private, and I wasn't, just a bit disheartened that she probably thought that I couldn't be trusted with such a big part of who she was.

I sighed, rechecking my list of supplies for the third time.

I didn't have time to stress about my best friends sexuality. Harry's birthday was practically one hour away and I had to make sure I had everything in place.

I was going to throw him a birthday party.

Harry had always told me he never thought of his birthday as a big deal.
He said every year he'd either be alone or sad, or feeling something that someone who was having a birthday shouldn't have been feeling.

The words really stuck with me. I couldn't let Harry go through that this year.

As I began to count the amount of soda cans I had, I could hear the sound of my phone ringing.

It was Harry. I felt relieved.

"Hi," I cheerily said. "I'm so glad you called. Cherry or grape?"

"Violet?" I heard a voice mutter.

Only it wasn't Harry's. It was a females.

"Who is this?" I asked instinctively.

"I have bad news."

My heart instantly fell. My breathing picked up, every bad thought that was possible coming into mind. If somebody else was answering his phone and telling me they had bad news, there was no way I could handle whatever they had to say.

I assume they heard the sound of my breathing, as they quickly said, "no it's not as bad as you think. Harry is in the hospital, but not because of his illness. How quickly can you get here?"

I took an immediate breath, forcing the relief into my lungs as I said, "Right now," and hung up.

I grabbed a jacket and my keys, quickly telling my parents I had to stop by the hospital for Harry.

I honestly wasn't sure if they replied or not but I didn't have much time to find out.

I ran into the nights cold, jumping into my car and pressing the start button.

The engine made a sound that I had never heard before but the car didn't start.

"Fuck!" I yelled out, hitting the wheel. "Of all the times you could have broke down!"

I shook my head, realizing that I didn't have time for this.

I yelled multiple profanities as I jumped out of the car, slamming the door in annoyance before beginning my sprint.

The hospital was roughly a mile away from where I lived. I knew the route fairly well considering that I had went down there everyday when Harry had first been hospitalized.

I didn't think I'd have to be back there. At least not so soon.

He's fine. I tried to reassure myself as I ran. He's fine he's fine.

My breathing became rugged as I continued to push myself, eager to get there.

Nothing was about to get in the way of this.

I had to make sure he would be okay.