How I Heal

eighteen

That following morning, I entered school and the first thing I saw was Harry placing books in his locker.

The sight of him made me stop suddenly, watching as he took books from his backpack and stacked them vertically. The minute he finished, he turned to go but abruptly ceased as he noticed me.

Our eyes met. His face remained devoid of emotion but he slammed his locker shut and walked away, pretending that he didn't even see me. He left in strides, one hand tucked into his pocket and the other tapping at his phone.

I sighed. Was he really going to pretend that last night didn't happen? The last thing I needed was for us to go back to being complete strangers.

Rather, luckily for me, the day's events went by in a flash, and the twins filled me in on their reason for simultaneously missing school the day before over cheesy fries.

After I listened to their explanations, they asked me about my day, but my only reply was "Average, I suppose" (for really I'd rather NOT talk about what happened at all).

Amidst trust (for really they had all of mine), it was just not something I needed to talk about. Not then.

Eventually, the end of the day rolled around.

It was the shrill sound of the school bell that brought me back to sobriety. Sometimes I forgot how quick time could be.

As I stepped out of my last class, I saw Harry rushing outside. He seemed in a hurry to get somewhere.

It was surprising to see Harry stay an entire school day, and even as I touched his arm in his rushed state, it was even more surprising that he felt my fingertips on his skin.

He immediately stopped and spun around to face me, that familiar chill coming back at our eye contact.

"What?" He said.

Not harsh, but not inviting either.

"Can we talk?" I wondered.

"I don't know, can we?"

"May we talk then?" I huffed, wondering why he had to over analyze every word that left my lips.

He gave a quick nod as we walked to the side of the school, away from all the sneaky high schoolers that would ask too many questions with their judging glances.

Questions, that currently, I couldn't answer myself.

"Are you okay?" I mumbled.

I really was trying to be less awkward, but I still felt like I had to walk on eggshells to prevent hurting him.

"Honestly?" He sighed. "No. No I'm not. I'm not doing very well at all."

I was shocked at his genuineness but quickly recovered.

It wasn't everyday Harry was being absolutely candid about his emotional state.

"What's going on?"

There was an uncomfortable silence before the question, "Do you really want to know what's going on with me?" came from his lips.
Then for reinforcement, he repeated, "Like, are you sure you can handle it?"

I looked to the ground for a minute, my right hand gripping my left shirt sleeve before saying, "Yes. I am one hundred percent positive."

He pursued his lips before quietly saying, "Okay, but not here. Come with me."

And I followed the clipped and callous boy out from the side of the building, out of the gate, and out of the school compound, a single swallow of spit sounding from my throat, because I did not know WHERE he could be taking me.

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"Excuse me," I tapped his shoulder. "Are you bringing me somewhere to kidnap and, or possibly murder me?"

We had been walking for quite some time after Harry told me to follow him and I knew I had the tendency to be unfit but I could swear wherever we were going was at least 5 miles.

I was obviously kidding before he turned to me with a stern face and the chilling words ran cold as he muttered, "Did you just audibly voice my intent?"

The smile fell from my lips in under a nanosecond.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," he quickly reassured chuckling at my reaction. "Nobody dies in this one."

"This one?" I wondered, one brow spiking up.

"This story," he told me. "Our life, I like to think of it as a story."

I watched him step over a rock before he went on.

"I also like to think we're all immune as teenagers," he sighed. "I guess I'm living in a fantasy world most days."

I shrugged, not really seeing anything wrong with that. There were worse things than living in a dream; reality was far too cold to always stay in.

"I wish I could see the world through your eyes," I admitted, as we walked on. "You have such deep insights, I can just imagine what goes on in that mind of yours."

He stopped suddenly and had I not put my hands out, I would have face planted right into his back.

Before I could ask why he stopped, he turned to face me and I gulped realizing our height difference. He towered over me and looked down with an indescribable expression, the green in his eyes never looking clearer.

"You wouldn't want to live in this mind of mine..." he lowly said, and I swore I almost heard a hint of sadness. "Some things are just not worth it. Trust me."

And I gave him a slow nod as he took a single step back, allowing me to breathe air without faltering, and continued on his trail. 

Every time I started getting lazy he would snap his fingers and go "Up and at them Violet. Stay on your toes," and I couldn't help but laugh at how he sounded like those men in war.

Eventually, I had no choice but to catch up with him, because he was obviously getting tired of waiting and I didn't want to get lost.

"Of all the days I choose not to take my car to school..." I muttered out loud as he suddenly stopped for the second time in a row.

I stopped with him and my eyes followed his gaze as I finally realized what lay in front of us.

"Welcome," he told me.