Plot: getting your feels played with someone you like and they know feels shitty tbh...so imma write angsty shit
Aaron's pov
I sat there with tears in my eyes, gazing at the long haired smiling male from across the room, he was laughing and smiling with his friends, but I know how he really feels about them.
I wiped some tears away and looked away from him, he plays with my feelings like it's a toy, to mess with, I'm tired of all the kissing and hugging we do in private.
He plays with my emotions and I hate it. He doesn't care that I like him, he makes me feel happy and somewhat alive when I'm with him, I laugh and smile a lot when I'm around him.
Of course he wouldn't want someone like me, someone who self harms...he desires someone more than whatever pathetic sack of shit I am.
Alexander walked over and he smiled widely, curse his bright smile that makes me feel so bubbly and happy inside, he sat down beside me and I looked at the ground,
"You alright?" He asked in a hushed tone and I just nodded, "just thinking..." I whisper. He nodded and I looked at him and he smiled softly, I smile back.
He took my hand and held it, our hands were hidden between us and I wish he didn't have to hide this. Why can't he just take pride in whatever we got...oh yeah! We aren't dating.
We got up and walked to his house, I smiled, listening to him chatter away and I felt this happiness in my stomach. It was always there when I was with him. He made me happy. But he could make someone happier.
We went into his room and I jumped on his bed then he followed after me and caught my lips in a almost heated kiss, he was on top and I kissed back, I always felt almost somewhat special.
He ground against me as I was panting softly, I didn't know what to do as he did so, my mind felt fogging he did this. I pulled the hair tie out and I tangled my hands in his brown locks.
I looked at him and he smiled softly, he chuckled and looked at me, "you're so adorable Aaron." He said and I scoff and shook my head "not even." I said then he trapped my lips in a kiss, he pulled away and said "yes."
We had exchanged some no's and yes' while kissing, I blushed and tried to sit up but he kept me down, I whine softly and looked up at him.
His brown eyes had a beautiful glimpse and he smiled,
"My bestfriend." He said and my stomach always happened to drop whenever I heard him say that. I'm not that bold to ask him out.
Hell he doesn't like me like that, we are just best friends with benefits and I sometimes wished we were more.
I wish I could call him mine, he had a girlfriend while we still made out and shit, but she broke up with him after she texted me asking me if I kissed him, I told her the cold truth. What was I supposed to do? Lie to her..?
We laid there, tangled with each other, I played with his hair and he smiled happily.
I sighed softly and looked at the ceiling, wondering how I got myself in this situation. We were great friends up in till he kissed me. Now we can't stop.
He was my first kiss. I remember how it felt. My heart was beating out of my chest like crazy, my face was warm, I couldn't seem to catch my breath after we kissed. I was really happy that day.
But now I feel like he plays with my feelings. He talked about finding someone new after his girlfriend broke up with him, I joked "what I'm not enough?" And he just laughed, but I said that if he does that then I'll find someone too.
But I really just want him, I don't want anyone but him. Yes I admit it, I'm being selfish. But it's the fucking truth.
I sat up and he looked at me, I sigh heavily.
"Alexander. You know that I got feelings for you and its shitty to know you don't feel the same way, but I hate having my feelings being played with, you say you wanna find someone, like I wish I had you more than friends with benefits...you make me happy, feel safe and cared about but it feels like you don't give a fucking shit about my feelings. I dunno what to do honestly. I wish it was easy to give up these feelings for you but it ain't easy when you're so caring and such. I'm being stupid at this point in talking. Just tell me that you don't like me that way and my feelings will slowly die for you and I'll be able to move on from you because all I know is that I don't want anyone but you. And you desire someone else and it ain't me. Just tell me you don't fucking want me more than a friends with benefits. But I sure as hell want you more than that." I said as tears filled my eyes and sighed, trying not to cry.
I can tell he was speechless. I didn't care. I just wanted these feelings for him to leave...
[a/n: Ye that's how I feel at this point lmao, I really like this boy and I'm getting fucked up, I just want him more than fwb but like I dunno...but hey it's ight. I dunno how to tell him tbh.]
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