River | John Seed

3- Illusions Are My Reality

"You believe you're on the righteous path, you believe you're a force for good. But you're not."
—JOHN SEED

TEEVIN

I'm brought in and out of consciousness by the bumpy road. The whole way, I feel arms securely wrapped around me with the sun beating heavily down which tells me we're riding in the bed of the truck. My ear's pressed against his bare chest where I hear a strong heart beating quickly.

"We need to get there faster! She's lost too much blood!" John shouts and a pounding against the trucks window comes after and I can tell he's overcome with desperation.

His chin presses against the top of my head and rubs my back, my body flushes from the warmth of his touch ,"We're almost there. God won't let you die."

I focus on the pounding of his heart, the rhythm calms my nerves and the fear of death standing at my doorway. I should be dead right now, but fate decided otherwise.

Because this man happened to be standing on the other side of that river.

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"I don't know what you think you're accomplishing by bringing that bitch here!" A follower of John's snapped.

"She's resistance!" Another shout of protest echoed and I heard a low growl coming from their leader.

"AND YOU DO NOT JUDGE! YOU WON'T QUESTION ME OR THE FATHER!"

A series of shuffling, proceeded by a slam came next as I heard John threatening someone. A Peggie most likely.

"And if I EVER hear you insult her again, there will be an atonement. NOW GET OUT!"

Doors slammed, followed by footsteps coming towards me as I opened my eyes. Blinking, my vision comes into focus and I take in my surroundings. The first thing that comes to view are black flags with white crosses hanging from the wooden ceiling.

Am I...? In his home?

My thoughts are interrupted when a rough, gentle hand covers my forehead. I turn my head to the side to see John sitting in a pull up chair beside the bed I'm laying on. He looks tired, but most of all, pissed off.

His hand slides off as he heaves a heavy sigh of relief. "Thank God you don't have a fever. That means I got you here just in time."

I study him in silence, not daring to speak because if I knew any better—the wrong one could set John off like the shot gun I carried. He had a reputation for being short tempered and even though he saved my life—I wouldn't put it past him from ending it just as fast.

I realized I couldn't feel any pain in my leg anymore, in fact, I was pretty numb from the waist down. My surroundings began to swoon in a sort of euphoric way. Everything looked better.

"Is this...heaven?" I questioned him.

After all, I couldn't feel any pain anymore. I had to be dead, right?

John chuckled and looked at me with a warm, genuine smile. One I never thought I'd see in my lifetime.

I guess this really was heaven. Or maybe a dream. Which meant I could do anything I wanted.

My hand reached out for him, touching his cheek with a soft caress. He stilled, seeming shocked but didn't move away, so I reached for his shirt with my other hand and tugged him closer.

I'm dead, and this is my heaven.

With him hovering over me, and the sun shining through the windows, it illuminates everything around us in a way I can only describe as unworldly. I bring my hand up and run it through his dark hair before I reach up to take his lips with mine.

They're soft, and I inhale his sweet manly scent of pine trees and river water. The scent he possessed of rescuing me.

He doesn't push me away, instead, he deepened the kiss, leading me to believe I truly was in heaven. John wouldn't let me kiss him if I were really alive, because to him, I was resistance scum.

I grip his shirt and pull him, wanting him to climb on the bed, but he refuses. I tug again as he keeps kissing me, but he doesn't budge.

Finally, I whimper against his mouth and claw at him, desperately wanting this man's touch. He finally relents and gently slides my body over so he could climb in the bed next to me.

I begin unbuttoning his shirt frantically and his hands enclose over mine, stopping me.

Why was he stopping me? This was heaven, there shouldn't be anything stopping us.

John lifts my chin up with his thumb and index finger so I'm gazing straight into his baby blues. He's staring into mine longingly before dipping his head to capture my lips once more with his.

This kiss was more desperate, more needy as his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against him tightly. But then he sighs and released me, pulling away.

"I'm glad you're in heaven with me. You're the only man I was ever attracted to on earth." I say with a shy smile. I would never do this with the John Seed on earth, he would definitely kill me.

His lips turn into amusement as his eyebrows quirk up, "Heaven, hmmm? You think you're in heaven with me?"

I give him a confused glance before giggling and kiss his nose,"Yes, I died in the river and can no longer feel any pain. Plus, everything is so bright, so beautiful and now you're here. That's heaven, isn't it?"

John searches my eyes as he reaches up to caress my hair. "Beautiful, I wish I could tell you what you say is true—but it's not."

He takes a moment before telling what I never thought I'd hear, "You're very much alive, darlin'."

It takes a few long moments to realize what he said was truth, and this was real. And the fact that I just made out with John Seed actually happened.

I cover my mouth and stare at him wide eyed, like a deer caught in headlights. Oh God, he's gonna kill me after what I've done!

Tears began streaming down my face as I beg for his forgiveness,"I-I'm so sorry John! Please forgive me! Please don't kill me! I...oh shit what have I done..!"

I panicked, crying into my hands and John just shushes me gently. "Don't apologize for giving me the best kiss I've ever been given. You may have committed a sin, but we'll worry about that later."

Worry about that later...

"B-But, I heard it! I don't belong here, I'm resistance—"

His eyes soften as they look at me,"You belong with me," he lowers his head to whisper in my ear, "And I didn't witness any resistance five minutes ago." I shiver against him from his words.

He's teasing me. I can't help but wonder why.

"Why did you jump in and save me?"

The question throws him off and he glances away for a brief moment before returning his attention back to me.

"I didn't understand why I was at that river until you showed up. But, it all makes sense now. You needed saving, and I was there for that reason."