To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝙳𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚃𝚒𝚙𝚜 & 𝚃𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚜 ✆

MJ
You 2 should kiss obnoxiously loud and get kicked out. It'll be fun

I'd rather not be kicked out. Thanks for the suggestion though
Ok, Liz, but it's a date. There's a difference

MJ
Shove food in his face. That's love

How would you know

MJ
I observe

Liz

And that's my cue to leave!

✆ Ｔｅｘｔ✆
╔ Regular- peter ╗
╚ Bold- ned ╝

Peter Parker picked a peck of pickled peppers
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Parker picked
If Peter Parker picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Parker picked?

Dude

It got you to look at your phone, so it worked
Anyways, how was your date😏

It was good if you disregard the part where I almost died from choking on popcorn

Imagine that, the famous Spider-Man dies from popcorn inhalation

Yeah, no kidding
(Y/n) shoved a shit ton into my face and whispered "love" into my ear
It kinda freaked me out and almost killed me, but it was sweet I guess

But you didn't die so yeah it's love

What are you? A love expert

I'm actually a couples therapist but go off I guess

Since when

Since you and (y/n) first met
You guys are my easiest clients. The perfect pair

Ok, not weird at all

Ok but pear me out

I want to hate you but I can't get over the fact you made that just to make a pun

So when's your next date
WAIT HOW DID I FORGET DID YOU GUYS KISS

No

Lame. Please tell me you at least hugged or held hands

I signed a NDA so I legally can't answer that. Sorry not sorry

I'm just gonna take that as a yes then
Before you know it I'll be at your wedding saying my best man speech about how stupid you 2 are

I'm blocking you

That just gives me more time to write the speech!!

In your dreams

In your dreams, Peter. In your dreams