Four To The End (prev Shifting Lines) - Book One (Marauder Era)

Chapter Thirty-Eight - Bloody Tears

"It's supposed to snow tonight, perhaps..." She trailed off then straightened up. "I'll see you in the morning, dear."

*

She did see him, however he couldn't see her. Though it took a while for him to transform, when he did the wolf raged to the point of destroying his own face. When his body melted and twisted back to human, he couldn't see anything. He had no way of knowing what had happened to his face, how horrible the scratches were, that both his eyes had been torn to shreds, how much blood was soaking the floor around him. His entire body felt beyond pain and each movement sent more fire through. He threw up, which hurt him even more, and he could taste the blood in his vomit.

He couldn't move, remaining still on the floor until Pomfrey came in. This time she couldn't hold back a scream. He didn't even care that he wasn't covering himself, because he couldn't see to grab hold of anything. He remembered vaguely when he thought he'd rather be blind than a werewolf. He wasn't so sure now. Not being able to see filled him with fear and terror, having to trust Pomfrey's guiding hands as she moved him about, cleaned him up, did her best to cover the wounds. She knew if he didn't have the healing ability, he'd certainly be dead.

"Might... better... here..." he gagged out. "Won't... heal... before..."

She took him back to the school anyway, fussing over him, spending more time in his little room than usual. She fed him liquids to try to help him regain some blood but he mostly slept, fevered dreams full of blood sending him tossing and turning, which woke him up from the pain. Pomfrey knew it wouldn't help however she got some pain reducing potion into him. It didn't seem to do much of a difference. At one time she came in to see he had torn the bandages from his face and was crying bloody tears as his shaky fingers touched the jagged flesh around his gaping eye sockets.

Pomfrey had to carry him back to the house and he fell asleep as soon as she lay him down on the couch. She put a hospital blanket over him, watched him sleep for a few minutes, then left, hoping whatever was causing him to lash out so badly wouldn't return tonight.

*

Remus knew what caused this. Why this moon had been so awful. It was because of Fawley talking about her sister's execution, and it being on the forefront of his mind, the nightmares of his own execution, nightmares of betrayal and death. They had been plaguing him so they were swirling around in the wolf's head when he turned. The wolf didn't like it one bit. And the more in pain he was when he transformed, the more the wolf lashed out. It was a vicious cycle.

Plus since a lot of aching went on in his head, the wolf had clawed there quite a bit so when his human mind came to Remus didn't have eyes again, everything just black pain, and a small desire to just be dead already. If he were dead... this wouldn't be happening... Other than that the only other wound he could tell for sure was a great deep slash along his chest that started near the base of his neck that was the cause for him wheezing. But he couldn't see so he wasn't sure. It was just a sucking black void of agony.

If he had any hopes of leaving the hospital wing in the afternoon, they were dashed when he woke up at one still in absolute pain, unable to walk or even see. He tried. He slid his legs out of bed and then slowly--carefully--got up. His hands were stretched out, feeling for anything in front of him. Dizziness and pain overtook him sending him crashing to the floor. He lay there miserably, not saying anything when Pomfrey came in. He was silent as she tucked him back into bed, silent as she told him to stop being so stubborn.

After she left Remus sat up, running his fingers along his face, under the cloth covering his healing eyes. If I don't push myself... if I don't try and overcome what it does to me... I'll just let it take over and I can't let that happen.