Are you Living or just surviving?

Chapter 2

I have my life completely under control.

I'm up everyday at five am to run, I have a good relationship with my adoptive mother, I have perfect grades, and an amazing best friend. Not to mention I'm the smartest kid in the country. So why am I so god damn sad all the time?

I try so hard you know, I mean I do everything everyone expects me to do. I study hard and I work my ass off after school and during the summer. I don't go to parties, I don't drink, I don't date or have hookups; and I most certainly don't ever disrespect my adult figure.

Whatever, enough philosophical shit for one day, if I don't get up now I won't have time to go through my morning routine and get to school half an hour early.

I quickly changed out of my pajamas and into an appropriate outfit for running and was on my way.

I felt the sweat trickle down my forehead and chest which resulted in a slightly damp shirt throughout my run.  While I'm running I get constantly reminded that I'm actually a living person and not some code riddled robot. I need to feel my face flush and have sweat trickle down my body to remind me that I'm actually alive and not just programmed to do what people want. 

Besides the fact that I'm reminded that I'm human, I can think clearly and peacefully when I'm by myself jogging.  I go jogging from five am to six am so there's no morning traffic to distract me and there's no pedestrians to avoid on the side walk. I'm totally alone with no interruptions.

I use the time I have while jogging to reflect. I think back to when I was five and both of my parents were still alive. We were such a happy little family. I over heard my parents talking about trying for another kid, I was so excited.

I think about my years in the foster system and how bad the first place I was sent to was. I thought about all the people I knew who died all in the span of six years. I think about how each death affected myself.

They made you weaker

They hated you

They died to get away from you

No. No that's not true, okay calm down before you pass out again.

I listen to the soft taps of my converse on the pavement of my neighborhood. If I find myself thinking too hard I just stop thinking altogether and let my senses take over.

I can hear the opening of a door nearby and soft music getting louder than softer and I smiled heading in that direction. 

Cafe Shwilders, my favorite place in the whole world.

While I was walking in that direction I couldn't help but think of the stories behind this whole block. It's one of my favorites and find myself think back to it all the time.

My adopted mother Stacy inherited the shop from her grandmother as well as the mansion. Stacy was an only child and her parents died when she was seven so she moved in with the only family she had left, her grandparents. Her grandfather died recently after that so her grandmother was her only living relative until last year when she passed away. Stacy's grandmother ended up feeling like mine as well since I moved in with her and Stacy when she adopted me. 

I've lived with Stacy for five years now and she's one of the best people I have ever met. She feels like my real mom if I'm honest. I do slip up and her call her mom by accident and everyone time I do she has the biggest smile on her face and gives me a big hug. It became more normalized recently and I even introduce her to teachers as my mom and I can tell it makes her really happy.

When Stacy's grandmother was alive we lived with her in her mansion uptown. Mama Rachel, as she like us to call her, married Stacy's grandfather when she was nineteen and he was twenty two, in 1921. He was a very wealthy business owner, and very fond of Mama Rachel's beauty so he asked for her hand in marriage but stubborn Mama Rachel actually rejected him at first. People we bewildered by the fact that she rejected him. Stacy's grandfather put up a fight though because there was just something about her that made him feel drawn to her. He asked a second time with a shinier ring because he though that that  was what made her reject him.