Blood and Water (Sample)

Chapter 3: The List

"You were volunteering at the soup kitchen in spite of the warnings."

"I thought I was immune to it."

"We all thought you were," she murmured.

Jay shook his head. When he spoke again, his voice was close to a whisper. "I just don't want to lose you, too."

Melanie grabbed his hands. "You will never lose me."

She was right—not because she was always right, but because she'd proved her loyalty several times over. While he and Maia spread their parents' ashes in the Thames, Melanie waited at the end of the bridge. When it was all over, he went to her and let her put her arms around him. She'd held his hand as the three of them walked to a cafe. Sean had met them there, and it was before he and Melanie were dating. Melanie kept her fingers intertwined with Jay's even while they were eating.

The last good day after his parents died, before the virus struck again, the four of them had gone to the National Gallery to look around before the government shut the whole place down for the sake of quarantine. Melanie, whose mother had been an artist, flitted from one hall to the next in breathless ecstasy. Jay, Maia, and Sean tried to keep up, but it was difficult.

After Sean got tired of chasing his new girlfriend around, the group decided it might be best for them to separate. Melanie and Jay went one way; Sean and Maia, the other. Melanie led him to the part of the museum that focused on impressionism. They blazed past Cézanne, Renoir, and Turner. She stopped in front of a painting of sunflowers.

"Van Gogh," she said. "My favorite."

They stood in front of the painting, saying nothing. One minute, they were separate spectators. The next, their hands and souls entwined. She turned and looked at him and he got caught up in her eyes.

It had been almost impossible to keep from kissing her. For Sean's sake, he had managed.

Now, Jay felt guilty for regretting that he hadn't kissed her there. He couldn't kiss her now because of the virus. Even just being with her put her at risk.

"What if you get sick?" he asked.

"Stop worrying about me." She kissed his cheek. "You're the one with the virus. Let's get back to you."

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He wanted to crack a joke in an attempt to break the tension, but nothing was funny anymore. Melanie stood there, looking at him. Maybe if he looked at her long enough, she would want to change the subject.

"Did you do what I suggested last week?" she asked. Jay frowned. "I don't remember. What was it?"

"The list," she said. "I said you should come up with a list of things you want to see or do before you die. We both wanted to do it ages ago, but now... well, it seems like it could, uh, come in handy." She bit her lip. She was afraid she'd hurt his feelings. He smiled to reassure her. "Yeah, I remember now. I made one."

"Can I see it?"

Jay blushed. "Um, sure. Let me go find it."

"I don't have to," she said. "No," he said. "I want you to."

Melanie sat down at the table, folded her arms, and rested her head on them.

Jay walked to his bedroom and tiptoed around the bed. Maia was fast asleep and snoring. Moonlight lit her face through the thin blinds.

Her cheeks were full; the bones in her face nowhere close to protruding. Her color was good. Her skin was bright.

She looked healthy.

It was torture to see her looking so peaceful while the virus destroyed her inside.

Jay's stomach clenched. He looked away.

The list sat at the back of his nightstand drawer. He eased the drawer out, supporting it from underneath with his free hand to keep it from squealing. His fingers found the folded paper without trying too hard. He pulled the list out and closed his hand around it. As he passed the bed again, Maia was still asleep. He shut the door on his way out and didn't relax until he heard the soft click behind him.

Back in the kitchen, Melanie's head was still down. Her eyes were closed.

Was she sleeping?

Without saying a word, Jay sat down in the chair next to her and laid the note down in front of him. He put his face in his hands. No one else had seen the list besides him. Although Melanie had suggested he make it, he had never intended to show it to her. Still, he couldn't say she couldn't read it, not after everything she'd done for him. She was even sacrificing her health to see him, for God's sake. How the hell could he say no?

In that moment, Jay remembered—he'd never put the kettle on. He'd meant to before he felt the sharp pain earlier. Then Melanie had come, and neither of them tried again. If Melanie was sleeping, she was dozing. She would wake up in a little bit. He'd have a cup of tea for her as soon as she woke up.

Jay thought about Maia as he waited for the water to boil. She wasn't having trouble sleeping, which was a good sign. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten a full night's sleep. The virus had him puking at regular intervals and waking up coughing during the night.

Melanie might not have been sleeping much, either, but it had nothing to do with her health. She was exhausted from worrying about Jay and Maia's parents and then Jay and now Maia. If she had to worry about anyone else, she might collapse.

Jay leaned back against the counter and put his face in his hands. He didn't want her to worry about him. He didn't want anyone to worry about him. He didn't know why, but he wasn't afraid of dying. He was more afraid of how his loved ones would react to him in his later days. How would they cope after he had passed on?

"What are you doing? Are you thinking about death?" Jay lowered his hands.

Melanie scowled. "I just felt like you were, and it disturbed me awake. You should apologize."

Was there the hint of a smirk on her face?

"I'm making you some tea, so you should be nice to me." "I'm risking my life. It better be some damn good tea."

She meant it as a joke, but it still stung. He turned his back on her, in part to pour water in mugs and in part to hide his face. He didn't want her thinking she'd upset him.

"I'm ready to hear your list once I've had my tea," she said. "Were you able to find it?"

"It was never lost," Jay said.

He dunked the tea bags up and down in the hot water until it turned brown. Melanie got annoyed with him when he did that—she said it didn't make a difference—but that time, she said nothing. Now that their time together was limited, she must have found it easier not to sweat the small stuff. If only Jay could adopt the same approach to the rest of his life.

When he set Melanie's cup of tea in front of her, she put her hand on top of his. Her fingers chilled his skin.

Jay didn't pull away. He put his other hand on top of hers. "I love you," she said.

"I love you, too," he said. "Always have and always will." Melanie winked. "Unless I tease you about what's on this list, of course. Come on, then. Let's hear it."

Jay set his cup down. He unfolded the paper and smoothed out the creases.

"Okay," he said, "promise me you won't laugh."

"I won't laugh," she said.

"You're lying."

"Just read."

Jay sighed, took a deep breath, and read.