It was the feeling of things being awkward, it made her uncomfortable. She wanted to be able to talk to Benz, without things being weird.
She wanted to show Benz she was over it. That she was on to something knew, and that whatever they had was long gone. Truth be told she didn't want him to see, that he had hurt her deeply.
If Benz caught so much as a glimpse of that, he'd only try harder. I'm stubborn i know, and all I'll do is hurt his feelings and run away from it...AGAIN!
I don't wanna be friends, but i do want him to know that we can move past this. "I know, but i never got to apologize" He added.
"And you don't have to, you had plenty chances to do that...you just never took any" I shrugged unlocking my car door to get in.
Benz stood off watching Kadei's brand new Infinity Fx, disappear out of there school parking lot. What she said hit him below the belt, because everything she said was true.
She glanced in her rear view mirror then shaking her head. I just wanna forget everything, so that's what ima do. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Forgotten" She declared.
Landon met me at Lucy Lawns park, directly up the street from our house. We were supposed to get food, but seeing Benz shifted the little appetite i did not have.
He pulled up parking beside my car, then meeting me by the jungle gym where i sat alone brainstorming about everything.
"Shit D, the park? really? what did you do?" Landon stood back, him and his sister shared all there business together. Or if anything ever bothered them, this is where they would meet and talk about all of it.
"I didn't do anything" Is what i really wanted say. "You know how we were little, and we would play house with Kevin and Kaloni?" Landon laughed sitting beside me.
"Yeah Kaloni was my wife, and Kevin was your boyfriend. You said you would never get married" We laughed together.
"I hated Kevin man, and you know that" She pointed laughing. "He loved you though" Landon replied, thinking about the day he last saw him.
Kevin grew up overnight, no more bad skin, crooked teeth and hammy downs. He wasn't that little nigga no more, he was a straight pretty boy.
"Really?" Kadei asked her brother. "Yeah, i saw him a while back. He asked about you, then told me what it was" He said with silence behind it.
"Been a minute since ive seen either of them" Landon added. "Yeah everyone grew up, got jobs and had kids" She expressed. "Well i don't know about kids" Landon corrected me.
"Well i can't speak for you" she said flat out. Landon looked over at his sister, she sat there still staring out. "D why you really bring me here?" He was curious now.
Kadei sat there trying to pick out the right words. Although nothing sounded better then I'm pregnant. So she held her breath and let it out. "I'm pregnant"
"Pregnant?!" Landon semi shouted. It caught Kadei off guard, she expected him to atleast think she may have only been playing. Her mouth fell open, as she spilled out her little heart.
"It's true Landon, since i came home ive just been fucking up. I lost my sense, and I'm barely finding it now" She sulked telling him everything.
"At first i was in denial, i took four test FOUR. All positive, then the ultrasounds was a huge smack in the face" I explained. "The night at the party, I did something i regret" I said sadly.
"What did you do?" He asked grabbing her by both her arms. Landon wanted to be there for his sister, ever since his dad walked out he's been the one to protect her, and prove to her she didn't need another nigga to make her feel safe.
"I just wanted him to feel how i felt, it was a mistake. I just wish i was myself at the time, but i did it and i can't take it back" I looked deep into my brothers eyes with heavy tears.
"I slept with him.." My head fell to my chest, i thought i could keep it to myself. pretend it never happened, i was good at that..not this time. "Slept with who?" Landon requested.
I took another deep breath, holding back my tears. You don't cry when you fuck up, you knew exactly what you did Kadei. I made sure my mind knew, that i myself was wrong in and out. "His brother..Benz's little brother" ...
Landon let Kadei go taking a few steps back. "The fuck you mean D? i know yo ass better be lien to me!" He yelled very disappointed, he felt his sister was better then this. He pondered on what would make her stoop this low, she took it entirely to far.
"I did it and i damn sure ain't gone lie and say it's not true just to make it sound good" I admitted truthfully. "you so fucking stupid! i don't care what that nigga did to you, that was to much. Where you learn that shit from?" Landon was furious.
"Landon you know i fess up to whatever i do, and if shit hits the fan then so be it" I shrugged beginning to get upset. "And you don't have to care about what he did to me, that shit didn't happen to you. It happened to me once again with a new fucking twist" I yelled standing up.
"Then so be it? D you proud of that shit" He laughed turning around shaking his head. "I'm not proud of shit, at the time it made sense" Landon shook his head harder. "You just like the rest of them bitches" He said throwing his hands up.
"I know i messed up, i don't need your sympathy. I just needed someone to confide in, my best friend acting like my enemy. And now my only friend that's left, my brother... calling me all types of bitches" Kadei made a devious grin looking at the ground with a small chuckle.
Kadei got up gracefully stepping off with her head held high. She never once turned her back, she made a pack with herself that very day.
"Whoever ain't with me, fuck em. My problems were never to big to handle alone"
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