Emotion Speaks: Illusions and Aches

Scenario 2

11 years have passed and Hoenn was on the walk to the 7/11 store to get some ice cream after long work at a university being a licensed counselling psychologist and a professor. At such a young age of 29, he's already teaching students a bit younger than him. He became successful, but he knew, deep inside his heart, is an open wound that can't be closed, bleeding continuously as if he's having internal haemorrhage and hemophilia. 11 years after bidding goodbye and cut-off of friendship with his 6 years crush since 6th grade, Narvin, he became too silent on social media and focused on his studies. He logged on to fake accounts on Facebook and Twitter to hide his identity. Those who're still his classmates still knew little about him since he kept his social life parameter to a minimum as if private and confidential information to be stored in a heavily locked vault made of steel and titanium. When they'd invite him to get-togethers and parties, he would kindly decline them and as much as possible, returns home right after classes. Of course, he goes to different places when he had to do something or when some business comes up. He had chosen to succumb to his college life to a studious and hardworking pattern. He entered the 7/11 store and ordered ice cream.

"Hello, welcome to 7/11!"

"Can I have an ice cream please?"

"Mixed, sir?"

A crew member asked for the flavour.

"Please do."

He said. It was a mix of pink and mint green colours. Hoenn kindly paid for the ice cream and slurped his first ice cream of the busy month. He hardly had enough time to have some personal space and sweets. He was too busy running through the cases of university students who had problems with them. As he served his 5th slurp, he already pushed the door of the store and went out. While walking, he noticed the blend of colours on the ice cream. They beautifully complemented each other, even the taste was a delight.

If we were just like this back then, what could've happened? Could I have succumbed my college life to him and failed?

He suddenly felt bad.

No. I shouldn't think about it. In the first place, it's impossible for us to have a relationship. So it's not logical.

He thought. Hoenn continued indulging himself to the melting as he took a glimpse into his work and the cases of the students that he'll soon work on in his mind. He didn't notice that someone familiar would meet him in such a small world.

"Hoenn? Hoenn? Is that really you?!"

The familiar voice uttered. To Hoenn's surprise, he thought, the devil has come. Every piece of memory lingering at the back of his mind came resurfacing one after another. With just a question of a particular voice, his heart came in like brittle pieces, then to dust, it went back to how it was before. He looked up to a tall young man of such familiar and many loved features of the past. A meter and a half apart, it was Narvin. The very same man whom he loved in the past that didn't reciprocate his love simply, because Hoenn was a part of the LGBT community. Hoenn could not believe his eyes as he thought he's already out there, becoming a successful electrical engineer, never looking back.

"It's you, really, Hoenn! It's you!"

Narvin held his shoulders. It wasn't familiar for Hoenn because he never always felt his hands, but he sure missed the first time he held the young guy's hands. He composed himself and breathed deeply without making him noticed. His heart starts aching. He felt cold but his cheeks were hot. He remembered that he needed to hold on to the severed ties and connection with him. He needed to think of something that could make him consistent with forgetting him.

"How are you now? I missed you so much."

The words pierced his chest. Narvin looked at the brooch located at Hoenn's uniform. It got Hoenn's name in it with PsyD. at the end.

"Wow, you've become a professor at your university?! You're so amazing! I'm so proud of you!"

Those were the words Hoenn really wanted to hear from him in the past but to no avail. Composed Hoenn had his logic and consciousness still intact, but his heart was always shaking. Finally, an idea had ignited in his mind. It was risky, but it's the only thing he could do. He knew he can't greet him when he wanted to cut off the friendship, knowing that he'll never ever benefit to anything in that kind of relationship, only blank assuming and high hopes.

"Hey, Hoenn. Are you okay? It seems like you're surprised with me!"

Hoenn composed a confused face and finally chose to go on with his idea.

"Excuse me, who are you again?"

Hoenn uttered. To Narvin's surprise, he asked him.

"Wait what? You don't know me? I'm Narvin! Your friend! Your..."

He was hesitant, but Hoenn still puts on a front at his face.

"...your crush... Your past crush..."

Hoenn was breaking down, but he fortified his wall.

"I'm sorry. I was just recently diagnosed with amnesia."

Narvin was even more shocked by the news.

"Wha...what?"

"Yeah. I was in a comatose state for like, 2 years, 7 years ago. And now, I can't seem to remember the recent events. Only the earliest ones when I was still 4 or 5."

Hoenn delighted on Narvin's face, filled with aghast.

"Ho-how?"

He asked further. Hoenn played more of his tricks.

"Mom said I got into an accident. I bumped my head hard when I was biking, then a truck hits me after. I'm sorry for disappointing you. I-"

Narvin suddenly interrupted him.

"No. I'm the one who should be sorry to you. I was the one who disappointed you... I'm sorry."

Narvin removed his hands from Hoenn's shoulders and bowed his head. He started to tear. Hoenn, who never wanted to hurt the guy he loved so much, regretted his decision. But he still wore his mask.

"Hey don't cry. I'm really sorry. Maybe I could remember my memories. I'm kind of collecting every piece of it. I want to remember them. And... uh... what's your name again?"

"Narvin. Narvin Stonecraft."

"You cried. Maybe we really had so many memories together in the past. I'll try remembering and catch up to you, Narvin."

He coolly said. Hoenn walked passed Narvin with a fake, smiling face. But as soon as their backs facing each other, he covered his mouth and started crying. Tears slowly fell from his eyes as his plan went successful but greatly backlashed on him. He walked continuously while trying not to make a sound, even a whisper, or even the tiniest wail. He reached a certain distance from Narvin. He looked back and the guy full of aghast was already on his knees, covering his eyes and wiping his tears. People walking by had their gazes unto Narvin, wailing for the pain that he never felt before. Hoenn's heart ached a rigorous standard after seeing his beloved on a slump. He turned his back again and walked, calmed himself after the fated meet up. He wiped his tears away and exhaled sharply.

"I still can't do it."