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Days blur out. Time running in a fast pace..
And yet. You're still here, laying on your bed, Yoongi's rather. You've just been laying on it for days. For how long exactly? You don't even know.
For days, you didn't bother to check your phone. Leaving it in silent mode. You didn't even try to read a book or even took a pen to sketch or doodle. You just get up to take a bath or if the nature calls you. Meals? Yoongi would just bring it to you.
You're just here. Doing nothing. Trying to feel nothing.
Sometimes the boys would visit you. But you rarely have the energy to entertain them so not even an hour pass, they would leave you to rest since you look like you needed it they'd say even though they're fully aware that you haven't been doing anything but just laying around, and you'd just nod your head and give them a tight lipped smile.
Other days Namjoon would visit just to see how you're coping up with everything. He'd talk to you like you're not the pathetic excuse of a person you are now.
Like nothing happened.
Like you're not hovering at the corner being a coward and after awhile he'd leave to let you rest too. Which bring you relief because then, you won't be needing to act somehow livelier than you're feeling.
It exhausts you.
And It's better this way you tell yourself. It's better to just isolate yourself from everyone, to quarantine yourself before you even accidentally hurt them. You're hurting two guys already, no need to add some more.
Everyday is almost the same. You'd wake up and see Yoongi staring at you with a concern look on his face that he masks unsuccessfully with a smile then he'd cook you brunch and eat with you at the bed and then you'd take a bath. You'd go straight to the shower, not bothering to look at your reflection.
Then after you shower he'd play a movie of a series you'd watch. Or he would rather while you just stare at his flat screen blankly. Comes dinner, that he would bring on the bed again. Then sometimes he'd ask if you're feeling okay that day, most of the time he would just lay beside you in silence. Most probably waiting for you to breakdown or even to just show a tad bit of emotion.
But days has passed, still nothing.
Your feelings are so congested that you can't quite pin point the emotions that you're feeling. It's all mixed up. You have this hollow feeling in your chest, your mind is filled with doubt and worries and it just won't go away and it's tiring you out.
So it's easier to pretend to feel nothing, to just envelop yourself with the comfort of the darkness rather than trying to make sense of what's going on.
And so you did.
But one day, you heard muffled shouting outside the room and stomping of feet then the bedroom door that's been keeping you on your own miserable thoughts bursted open revealing a fuming Jimin who is held by a frustrated Yoongi by the arm, a sad looking Taehyung, two concern looking puppies; Jin and Hoseok. And an expressionless Jungkook.
You stare at them while they stare at you in silence. So silent that you could hear a pin if it falls to the ground. Deciding to break it, you whispered "What's wrong?" as you sit on the bed.
Silence
One heartbeat..
Two heartbeats...
Three heartbeats...
"Jimin" Yoongi warn sternly while you see his hold on the younger one getting tighter. Jimin closed his eyes and breathed deeply... then just like a volcano erupting, he roared "What's wrong? You're asking us what's wrong Y/N? You've been on that bed for two weeks! Two fucking weeks! You're barely even eating! Have you seen yourself now? Have you even looked at the mirror?
We've given you time and space to straighten everything out, not to go pity partying from sun up to sun down! God. Enough is enough Y/N. Get. Your. Ass. Up. Now."
Your mouth opened and closed, mimicking a fish. The cold truth slapping you in the face rendering you speechless.
Two weeks. You've been on the bed for two weeks.
You bow your head looking at the duvet instead of looking at them instead, your hand clenching the fabric in embarrassment. As though you feeling small extinguished the fire in Jimin's blood, his tone turned soft, pleading even.
"We've been patient Y/N. We tried acting like nothing happened in the hopes of not adding to the pressure you're feeling." He stopped to breathe in deeply then continued "We can't even imagine how hard are things for you right now.. We understand, you're confused, you're probably mad at the world because it's unfair. Why you of all people, right?
We get it. We truly do. But please instead of doing this, talk to us. Talk to me. Talk to Yoongi. Have you even really took a good look at him? You're not the only one suffering Y/N. Look at him. He looks like he's suffering more than you are." Jimin said, voice lowering to whisper at the end.
And you slowly look at Yoongi, caressing his features with your eyes. And what you saw was like a punch in your gut.
The bags under his eyes are prominent, his eyes are bloodshot. He looked like he lose weight, no. He did lose weight. His cheeks hallower, his oversized top looked more loose than the usual. And you hate it.
You hate it even more than you're the reason why he's in that condition.
Not even a minute passed and you didn't even saw Yoongi moved, but you're suddenly in his arms. He cradled you tightly as he placed your head on the junction of his neck and shoulder. That's when you realized you're shaking as the tears keeps falling down your face.
I'm dedicating this chapter to those who are in a tough time. To whose who battled and is still battling with themselves.
And if you even remotely felt the described emotions on this chapter. Reach out. To anyone. Be it someone dear to you; a family, a friend, a lover. Or even a stranger.
Or even to me, I'm just a message away okay? I'm not a professional. I'm not a psych grad, but I can lend an open ear. I promise you all that.
Don't forget that sometimes you might feel like nobody cares. But someone does. And you matter more than you even know.
