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For 27 Years(Stenbrough)

*This one will contain suicide, selfharm and IT chapter 2 spoilers.

*normal AU but Stan still commits die-

<Stanleys POV>

27 years. 

27 years of sadness.

27 years of self harm.

27 years of telling myself I'll never be good enough.

Never enough for Bill Denbrough. 

I have had a crush on Bill since the day we met. With his perfect smile, adorable stuttering, I was falling from cloud 9 every time I got to see it. This happiness only lasted for so long. I soon came to the reality that my dad, who wants me to be a man, will never except me because of our Jewish religion. But if I can't love Bill, screw being a man. God dammit, Bill Denbrough. What have you done to me?

Sadly, we all moved far, far away from Derry when we were 18. Ever since then, we never met up again. No communication. Nothing. I got married, even though it was quite loveless on my part, considering I still loved Bill, despite not talking to him. But everyday. Everyday for 27 years, I cut myself. I couldn't stand the fact that Bill would never love me. It hurt me so, so much, as you can tell. 

So, here I lay, taking a bath, blade in hand, smiling, staring off into space, thinking about Bill. Only Bill. My wrist were bleeding terribly, but I had gotten use to the pain. This time though, it was worse. I laid there, arms stretched out, tears streaming down my cheeks. Mike had just called all us Losers, one by one, to come meet up for a reunion, but I knew I couldn't face Bill. I didn't want to fall in love even deeper like I do everyday. 

So again, here I lay, taking a bath, blade in hand, smiling, staring off into space, thinking about Bill. Only Bill. Although, I did think about how I'd never hear Richie's dumb jokes again, or Eddie's funny complaints, or Beverly's constant encouraging, or Ben's nice manner, or Mikes calm, helpful character. But worst of all, Bill. I'll never get to hear his cute stuttering, see his adorable expression when hes happy, or be enchanted by his braveness. None of it. And that, will forever haunt me, so why not end it all now?

As I started to see a bright light, I smiled weakly more.

"I love you, Bill Denbrough..."

I whispered before I, Stanley Uris, passed to the garden of rest.