Whiskey Lullaby

Chapter One Emma

I woke up laying in my bathtub. The shower was running with cold water that splashd me in the face. My body was shivering. My head was pounding from the whiskey. And my shirt was covered in blood. Blood? Why is there blood all over me. I glanced down at my body and saw my wrists. Tears automatically sprung from my eyes. NO! I had been clean for almost two years and now its all gone to shit. I don't even remember doing it. I ran my thumb gently over the shredded skin. They weren't bleeding anymore but they hurt. I could see the skin on my wrist frantically tried to mend itself back up.

I sat in the tub letting the cold water hit me for a while before i decided this wasn't just another bad dream. I was actually sitting, fully clothed, in my shower with a hang over and a cut up arm. Shit. I finally got up, slowly. Everything was spinning. Was i still drunk? No way. This is just the worst hangover in the history of hangovers and it was me with the pleasure of obtaining it.

I crawled (pretty much) to my bedroom and layed on the floor in a ball next to the empty Jack Daniels bottle. I stared at it. Poison in a bottle. Don't drink or do drugs, kids. The very thought of getting up off the floor and getting ready for work was like being kicked in the stomach even though i had the best job, like, ever.

I was a manager at the local Hot Topic in LA and i loved it. The job was literally the only thing that kept me clean for so long. But that doesn't matter anymore since Mr. Jack Daniels ruined that for me. I got off the flood and walked to my small closet. Inside was a wall of band merch like in a Hot Topic store. My only "normal people" clothes were pushed in the back hidden away.

I grabbed the stereo remote from my bedside table and hit play. The last thing i was listening to last night was the Black Veil Brides. It was their new album Black Veil Brides IV. I had ordered it online and got it two days earlier than everyone else so i has already memorized all the songs. "Stolen Omen" came on and i turned the volume up all the way. I hope the neighbors like BVB.

I pulled on the new Halloween themed Pierce the Veil shirt carful not to reopen any cuts. An old pair of jeans and some Vans. It was my typical outfit. They only thing that ever changed was the band shirt. After i was all dressed i fanciedanced my way back to the bathroom. The shower was still on so i reached my arms in and slowly rinsed off dried on blood. I brushed my teeth ridding my breath of the alcohol smell and I put on all the bracelets i own to hide myself from my co-workers and costumers. They'd be disgusted if they saw me like this. I was.

After i was dressed i layed on my bed for a while listening to the music. I remember watching the "Fallen Angels" music video. The thing about bands changing as much as the Black Veil Brides did is they usually get better. I don't know why everyone gets mad when a band changes a little. Everybody changes. I stared at my room around me. The walls were covered from top to bottem in posters. Sometimes, i get a little overwhelmed just looking at all of them. Is it possible to have a crush on dozens of people at the same time? I think yes, maybe its not the most normal thing in the world but definitely possible.

My head started to feel a little better after laying there for a long time so i finally worked up enough energy to get out of bed and find some food since i hadn't eaten in 24 hours. I slid down the railing to staircase to my kitchen. I could still hear my music downstairs. My kitchen was smaller than the rest of my house with white tiled floors and light green walls. I like to cook so i spent alot of time in this room.

I opened one of my cabinets and pulled out a bag of blueberry bagels. I took two out and cut them in half before pushing them in the toaster. I threw them empty bag in the trash and walked slowly to the wall. It was lined with picture frames. I looked at the pictures and sighed. My life as been the ultimate rollercoaster rode. Up and down so many times i get whiplash. when i made it to the end of the picture row i pulled the lady one off the wall to get a better look. There were for people in the picture sitting on porch stairs. Two adults and two children. The woman looked like an angel. Her honey brown hair feel just below her breasts. She had the same emerald green eyes and pale complexion as i did. On the step below her was a little boy with the same hair as her and brown eyes. He looked maybe 4 or 5 years old. To the woman's left was a man. His arm was around her. He had hair black as night and brown eyes. His face was shaved clean. Below him was a little girl maybe 8 or 9 years of. Her hair was black as night. She had emerald green eyes and a pale complexion. She was me and this was my family. I remember that day. I kept trying to wear a Misfits tee-shirt for the picture but my mom won that battle and fit me in a pink dress. How she managed that i will never know. We were all so happy.

I miss them so much.

I placed the frame face down on the counter and wiped the tears that fought their way out away when the toaster popped scaring me half to death. I took the bagel halves out and plopped a ton of strawberry flavored cream cheese on them. I noticed my music was still on. "Walk Away" was paying. How appropriate. I got the spare remote from a kitchen drawer and ferociously hit the power but until the music stopped. And i walked away.