Difference

45. Sick

At the time, my choices felt justified. I'd been controlled for most of my life..for once I wanted to make my own decisions.

But my decisions aren't always good ones. Actually, more often than not I'm making bad decisions.

"I need Farrah," I mumbled to myself.

Usually, my mind would start at one place..and make its way down a path to worst case scenario. Right now was no different, with my head being swarmed with negativity.

I thought of what Farrah said that one time...about the person I was before. I thought of who I am now..and how I make people feel.

Everything I do makes things so complicated. Everyday someone's either mad at me, or proud of me. Sometimes both!

Sure, I'm happy with who I am most of the time. But sometimes I miss being unnoticed by anyone. That way, I couldn't disappoint anyone.

Farrah would say I'm thinking too much.

To distract myself, I climbed out of bed and walked over to my dresser.

My room was getting messy, with my mom no longer coming in my room to make sure I clean up.

Pushing some clothes out the way, I opened my bottom drawer. The one I usually kept closed. Here were things from my dad, razors, pills, other items I keep hidden.

Sighing, I picked up a razor blade.

Simply holding it brought back ugly memories, making me drop it immediately.

I remember wearing long sleeved shirts everyday, even during the summer. I remember my mom eventually finding the scars, and making me go to a therapist. I remember her asking "why? how does that even help you? Is this for attention?"

I frustratedly dug around the drawer for something else, eventually finding a folded up paper.

'To my sons,

I'm sorry for this choice that I've made-'

After the first sentence, I stopped reading. I remembered what this was, and annoyedly threw it back in the drawer.

Maybe I should just sleep.

-

The next morning, I woke up with a pounding headache.

It could've been the drinks, it could've been the stress, but I felt horrible.

I could barely get out of bed, eventually causing my mom to come in and check on me.

"Don? You're still in bed?"

"I don't feel well."

"Oh...thats not good. Are you okay to go to school?"

"I think so-" I was interrupted by having to run to my bathroom, before abruptly throwing up.

This wasn't stress.

"Okay, you're definitely not going. Get in bed and get some rest. I'll bring you some soup on my lunch break."

Farrah »

The second I walked into class, I noticed Adonis wasn't there.

I'd assumed everything from last night had blown over by now. Where could he be?

"Alright, take your seats. Mr. Jamison across the hall is absent, so we're gonna have a few of his students in here. Raise your hand if there's an empty seat next to you." My teacher said.

Annoyed, I raised my hand.

She counted the empty chairs, before stepping out of the classroom.

I should use this time to text Don.

Where are you? Everything okay? ❤️

"Where's your lil boyfriend?" Dumisina said turning around to face me.

I ignored him, rolling my eyes.

He laughed before turning back around in his desk.

Soon, a small group of students entered our class. I instantly scanned the group for anyone I know:

Don't know her...don't know him...don't like her...Eden!

I waved my hand, gesturing Eden to sit next to me..but before he could, someone else sat in the seat next to me.

Sebastian.

"Farrah...good morning." He smiled.

"Mhm." I mumbled.

I still hadn't forgot his attempts to make Adonis look stupid with his shotty advice. But I wasn't gonna bring it up so we could argue.

"I didn't know you were in this class."

"Yeah...I am."

"Damn that's cool. Hey..so me and a couple friends are going out skating this weekend. You should come."

"Maybe." I shrugged.

"Damn Farrah, why you acting like that?" He chuckled. "That boyfriend of yours stressing you out?"

"That boyfriend of mine is actually doing the opposite."

"Oh really? How so? You have to admit...the kid is weird."

"Sebastian please shut up-"

"No, really though. I was surprised he got a girlfriend. And YOU of all people. I was just wondering why you were with him-"

"Sebastian-"

"Be honest, I mean..from what he told me..he doesn't even know how to be a boyfriend. What do y'all do together?"

"Plenty of things.."

"Like? Does he even know what sex is? The nigga is basically a child." Sebastian laughed.

I simply chuckled at his remark.

At this point, Sebastian was showing his true colors. Even if he tried to play it off as a joke.

"Exactly. You're not denying it."

"Neither Adonis or I have anything to prove to you." I shrugged.

"Right...Ok. But uh what's up with his brother though?" Sebastian sort of whispered while laughing.

I was ready to just end the conversation, but this grabbed my attention.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? Haven't you heard?"

a/n:

school y'all. bear with me.