AWKWARD HONESTY (TGD BOOK ONE)

Prologue

With a sigh I fold it up neatly and place it back on the table, resigned to wear it out at least once before sneaking it into the second-hand donation bin. I hold up the second outfit. It was only marginally better. Soft blue with floral buttons all the way down the front and a bateau collar. After neatly placing it with the other one I retrieve the envelope from beneath my chair.

To My Darling Clairissa,

Today is your birthday, and at three minutes past seven in the morning you will turn thirteen years old. You will officially say goodbye to your childhood and be considered a teenager. This has been the fastest thirteen years of my life. You are my first daughter. The child I always longed to have. You are beautiful, intelligent and thoughtful. I love you and look forward to getting to know the woman you will become.

I know things haven't always been easy for us since we left your father and the farm. You have had to adjust to a new lifestyle and routine, often times without me. I am proud of your resilience. You are doing so well in high school and I have no doubt you will continue to flourish through these next five years as you reach adulthood. I know I am not perfect and have made mistakes, but you are not one of them. I love you and your brother Reid more than anything else and no matter how old you are, I will always keep you in my heart.

As you enter your formative years, you will have your first job, first love, first car and you will start to look to your friends more than your family for guidance. That's okay. Sometimes life will be hard, but you will keep going. With each day you will grow and let go of me a little more but don't forget I will always be here for you if you want to talk.

Love Mumma Bear

6:28 a.m.

I read the letter twice over before taking it downstairs and pinning it to the brick wall at the head of my bed where I keep all the things that matter. I secured it next to a picture of me arm in arm with Ella and Kate.

I touch the curling edge of the photograph and all the happiness my mother's words had conjured dissipated in an instant.

Isabella Reinke and Katherine Fairchild were my best friends, or at least they were for the two years we were in the same classes. That isn't the case anymore.

I don't know why I still have that photo up there. Every time I see us smiling together, arm in arm in front of the ocean backdrop, I feel like I can't breathe.

In three days, it will be exactly one year since I spoke to either of them. My last birthday wasn't as lonely as this one will be.

A strange cold feeling comes over me as I reach up to take down the last remaining evidence of two years of friendship, my heart feels heavy, like solid ice, my eyes begin to sting. I can't do it. Somewhere, in the most pathetic depths of my soul, I still hold out hope that they will change their minds about me.

I tear my eyes away from the picture and open my cupboard to find my school uniform. My alarm goes off again and I pick up the vintage clock on my bedside table and hit the reset button. I sigh as I place it back down. "Normal teenagers would have an alarm on their phone," I say, too annoyed not speak my frustration out loud. The house feels empty in the silence that follows and I find myself thinking, not for the first time, how pointless and repetitive my entire life is without Ella and Kate in it. School, chores, band practice, homework, repeat. The worst feeling I've ever felt in my life comes over me as I stand beside my bed and stare at clock, pondering the likelihood of another twelve months of this existence.

Knock Knock Knock. "Riss!" calls a hoarse but familiar voice. "Answer the door birthday girl."

The voice was so unexpected that I dropped the pleated skirt I'd been holding.