The Tapes. || l.s (boyxboy)

Tape one.

|chapter two: tape one|

This is where it all started. My road to death- of course, I didn't know that yet. My first crush, my first kiss. Stan Lucas.

Stan? They kissed? I brought my knees to my chest trying to block out the noise from the other side of my headphones.

We met at the cinema. You were wearing your cute little uniform and you were smiling at people and it was so adorable. I instantly liked you. So I walked up to you and showed you the smile that many people have complimented me on; my sunshine smile. I introduced myself and you told me your name- though I already knew it. It was the start of a beautiful relationship; well, it could have been.

I kept coming to the cinema just to see you, Stan. I don't think you caught on. Eventually I mustered up enough courage to ask you to hang out. You said yes. I was ecstatic to put it bluntly enough but I played it cool, didn't I? You said Friday next week, so I waited. And waited. And waited. And finally Friday rolled around- let me tell you, it was hard picking out what to wear. Wanting to look cute yet like I didn't try. Casual yet like I knew this was important. To be honest, I felt like a girl.

You were always cute Louis.

Anyway... we met at the park just across school. For a while we talked and we got to know each-other, that is until you dragged me under a tree and you said- and I quote.

"Louis, stop torturing me. Just kiss me already."

So I did.

Big mistake.

I imagined Louis sitting at his desk, recording this. Is he crying? Is he mad? I'll never know.

I'd thought of what my first kiss would be like for years. And I was happy for you to be my first, Stan. The kiss was innocent. It was nice. Your hands were at my waist and my hands gripped your hair. We were shielded from the public eye- that's what you wanted, wasn't it? So you could pretend that it never happened.

Cause that's exactly what you did.

When we pulled away, you smiled. So I smiled back. I thought we could be a thing- but you didn't.

You were the only one I knew at school, Stan. I thought we were friends- maybe more after what we shared- but when I walked through the halls the following Monday, it wasn't what I was expecting.

"Fag."

"Whore."

"Slut."

"Gay-boy."

Insults were thrown at me from every direction. It hurt, Stan. It hurt a lot. However, I didn't know it was you who started the rumour at the time so me being the petty little idiot I am, went to you. I know, stupid.

You could never be stupid, Louis.

I wasn't even a meter away from you when the laughing started. The sound poured into my ears, through my veins and hit me right in the heart. I didn't know what was going on so I continued my way over to you, and I asked you "Stan, what's going on." But you pushed me. You pushed me and you spat poisonous insults over every inch of my body. You accused me of attempting to get in your pants. You told people that I threw myself at you and pleaded to be fucked right up the ass. To say I was upset would be an understatement. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole and to disappear forever.

I'd heard about that; the new boy being a complete slut that liked it up the ass. It was cruel. But nonetheless I believed it, until I saw him and I realised that this beautiful little being couldn't possibly want to exploit himself.

From then on I was known as the boy who like it 'up the ass'. You, Stan, are the beginning of the path I took to swallow the pills. The path I took... to suicide.

My ears were filled with the soft him coming from the tape indicating that it was over. My stomach churned realising that I could be next. I stretched my legs, flipping the tape over to the other side.

So much for one tape.