Faith Prevails, Just Believe

Chapter Five

Hakim

I watch her close the door in my face. Damn.. that was intense.  What on earth is Natasha Jackson doing to me?. Why am I acting the way I am?.  So many questions and emotions are swirling inside me ...the biggest one ...Why the hell did I kiss her?

Now that’s a damn good question and maybe I should beat the fuck out of myself for the answer.  It’s not just the kiss it's also the fact that my body is reacting to her. Damn…. I remember when it used to be the other way round..Natasha on more than a few occasions had fully made me aware of her feelings towards me..both physically and verbally ..each and every time I would let her down gently..well apart from the on occasion five years ago.

Now  after all these years..there is something about her that has me conflicted and the big shocker off them all is her child. A child who for reasons unknown I’m drawn to. There is something about Shalina that is so familiar.. She reminds me so much of Medina and Sarina when they were younger. It’s the eyes and the certain mannerisms she has. They way she eats, the way her mouth curves into a smile and if my suspicions are correct then  it's no wonder. 

My gut clenches with the possibilities. Damn ...if what I’m thinking is true this could change everything.

I need answers from Natasha and I need them as soon as possible. If she thinks she can just avoid me, she has another thing coming.  Too much similarities... Either it’s a bloody coincidence or she’s definitely my child. I’m far from stupid.

 But what if she is?. What am I to make of this? What will my parents think of me having a child out of wedlock. To them it's a huge sin and they will be devastated to learn that their darling boy has an illegitimate child. 

You see ,My folks are very devoted. Even in this day and age they  still follow the old religion. Both folks and my sisters do. Their passion and zest in a higher power is very admirable to some or maybe obsessive to others. It's a matter of opinion and hey if it makes them happy then more power to them.

Growing up, religion was important to us and My folks taught us all they could. From the teachings straight from the holy book to me attending mosque with my dad. I still remember everything but it has never been at the forefront for me. I’ve never had that connection like my parents and sisters…. particualary Medina.

I on the other hand , don't have a religious bone in my body. Even after my upbringing.

If I did, I would never  in a million years succumbed to sleeping with Natasha Jackson.

My feelings for Natasha has always been complex. At first she was my sister's best friend. Who used to follow me everywhere. Her eyes so blatantly showing her feelings. The amount of times she tried to seduce me..God they were many..but to me ..she was  just a kid with a crush.

Then I left for my studies and when I got back. Damn I was in for a shock. Natasha was no longer a kid anymore. She was now even more beautiful, so sexy..so feisty and strong willed. I thought her feelings would have disappeared with me being away. Boy I was wrong. In fact not only where they stronger but this time by body was reacting to her as well.

 Damn..Five years ago but I remember it so clearly. The way she was angry at me for not reciprocating her feelings. She kept saying things that was a direct insult to my masculinity..even going as far as  calling me gay. Having enough I showed her that I was very much a man and very much hetrosexual.

Afterwards ..I regretted it and broke her heart with my harsh words. She declared her love for me again but I was such a bastard. I don't know what I was feeling back then. I was disappointed in myself for having sex with her. It may have been love on her part and I knew I was her first. Damn..she was my first..not that I would admit it to her but she knew alright. The fact that my sisters shared everything with her , how could she not.