Reckless - II

16 - Blood, Sedatives, and Tears - pt.2

I flinch.

There are dark patches on my skin. I have hickeys along my collar bone and possibly my neck. She is tracing circles around each one of them. Another reminder of Charli.

"Is it because of that girl?" She says it softly, but I can see the accusations in her stare.

"No," I answer truthfully.

"I don't believe you."

I shrug my shoulders.

"Then kiss me." She says.

I lean over to kiss her on the forehead again. She puts her bandaged hand to my lips.

"No, on the lips."

I do want to make her feel better, but not like that. I keep seeing flashes of her distant and mumbling to herself. It doesn't bother me that she's bipolar. It's a part of her and I love that too. And I'd suspected as much anyways.

After the night she ran across eight lanes of traffic. And then after I'd seen her medication. But I can't kiss her in the middle of an episode not while she was this vulnerable and depressed. I wouldn't be able to stop and she wouldn't stop me.

I get what she is trying to do now. She is trying to seduce me, trying to make herself feel better the only way she knows how. It has nothing to do with love.

I might as well be Apollo.

"No," I whisper.

She responds by sliding her hands under my shirt. Her bandages are rough against my skin, but her fingers are warm and shoot tingles up my spine. I close my eyes and focus on the beat of my heart which is pounding like a jackhammer. It would be easy to give in. I'm already frustrated from earlier today and this...is Ari.

I grab her wrist and gently pull her hands from under my shirt.

"Ari, we can't," I say.

She frowns then grabs my face and starts kissing me. I don't push her away but let her. I keep my lips unmoving and closed. I focus on her bandages pressed to my face instead of her lips on my mouth. Her bandaged hand under my shirt. Her bandaged hand pulling me closer.

We're standing on thin ice. I've never been good at resisting her. Whether it was "borrowing" her parent's car, sneaking into bars, or ditching school but I will resist this time. And carefully, or the ice will break. I don't want to send her spiraling into the cold again.

She realizes I'm not kissing her back and stops.

"Why won't you kiss me? Is it because I'm...?"

"No," I say.

Bipolar. She was going to say if it was because she was bipolar. I'm going to have to tell her something or she will leap to the wrong conclusions.

"Ari, do you forgive me?"

She stares at me for a long moment. Her thick brows are furrowed, and I can see her thinking. She is trying to decide whether or not to lie to me to get what she wants. But I've already got my answer.

"No," She says.

"Then what are you doing?"

"Isabella," She sighs. "Stop overthinking. Stop trying to save me. It doesn't matter if I forgive you. I want this."

Ari is pressing her body closer to me. There is no space between us just every bit of her pressed against me. Her hands are under my shirt again. She is running her hands up and down my stomach and my chest.

"Make love to me." She says.

My heart skips a beat.

She'd picked her words carefully. Knew the words I wanted to hear. But she doesn't mean it. Tomorrow we will be back to where we were only worse.