The Stars In Her Eyes

Keith

                   "Pidge I'm really sorry! please open the door" I pleaded. The door to Pidge's room opened to revel her red and puffy face. I hugged her tight and cried into her shoulder. " I-i'm so s-sorry" I sobbed. Pidge laughed and her body recoiled.

              She ran back into her room to throw up in her bathroom. "PIDGE!!!" I yelled grabbing her shoulders as she vomited again. " I hate myself!!" She screamed," I don't want to but I do, I hate muself!!" 

             She grabbed her hair and started ripping it. I restrained her and combed my fingers through her hair. " It's okay, it's okay" I repeated, " everything will be okay".

             She started screaming once more, like she did every night. It sounded like a wounded animal, a hurt and dieing animal. I wanted it to stop so badly, it hurt me so bad to see her like this.

             She clawed at her arms and I saw the scars from previous nights raked across her wrist. Nonononononono. I was not going to let her kill herself. " Pidge" I whispered, "I'll give you more nunvil if you stop this" I said gesturing to her arms. " Please stop this and I will help you , please Pidge, I just want you to live. Lance wouldn't want this, the team doesn't need another reason to greive". 

               She stoped screaming, her voice was raw when she spoke, " help me please" she croaked, " I want help, I want Lance". She repeated his name over and over again. She moaned his name, she really wanted him, no she needed him. 

             "I'm going to set you in bed, okay" I said scooping Pidge up in my arms. She giggled and squirmed in my arms. " I want some  nunvil" she said, " I want it, I really need it". I set her down on the bed and told her I'd be right back.

               I scurried to the kitchen. Shiro stopped me half way to the cabinet. " What are you doing? Where's Pidge" he asked. I sighed and told him that she wanted nunvil now. 

                " NOPE" Shiro said, " it's unhealthy for her, and the fact that she's 4'11 doesn't help either. her small body can't take all this alcohol". I frowned and pushed past him. "Keith" he said his voice at a dad tone, " don't do this". I clearly ignored him and walked away with 5 bottles of alcohol. 

                  I was back in Pidge's room less than 5 minutes later. I handed her one bottle then asked if I could have one. " Sure" she muttered, " be my guest". She took a swing from the bottle. I sipped it carefully making sure I didn't drink to much and get wasted. 

            The purple liquid flowed down the back of my throat, it tasted warm but burned my nostrils. "It hurts at first" Pidge said wiping the sweat from her puffy face, "But it helps a lot". I nodded and continued to take tiny sips. 

               In the end I was still sober but a little tipsy. "Pidgin" I said, " You don't have to go through this alone. I'm here for you and the whole team is here too." Pidge smiled sideways, "I know" she muttered, "But when you loose your family then your boyfriend and now your sanity, you tend to do things on your own". 

                    "But still-" I said but she interrupted me..... RUDE. "Keith I know you guys are here for me and want me to feel like I have people to talk to but..... it's hard sometimes to talk when you feel hurt. I read something once that you can't be happy all the time, you have to experience  pain and sadness and emptiness. You can't rely on people to always bring you happiness, sometimes you need to make yourself happy". 

                    This made my heart fall. Pidge is cooped up in her room, feeling like she can't be happy because she has no one that knows how she feels. But I do. I know how it feels to feel lonely and depressed. I know what it's like to loose your family. I know that the world seems like it's going to crash but she needs help....... and she doesn't know that she does.