The White Tulip (Symbolism Of My Feelings)

The Truth

''Today's your last day. I gave you another chance to consider it carefully and clearly.''

''If I do what you want, will you stop?'' I asked her to make sure. She was capable of doing unforeseen things.

''Of course. As long as you don't do that stupid thing anymore.''

I frowned at her claim. ''It is not stupid. I am doing it for... You would have done the same if you were me.''

''I might, Myungsoo, might...''

Only my family is allowed to call me by my real name. Honey is not obliged to say my nickname L anymore. Even though Krystal was my best childhood friend and I consider her as a family, I don't like it when she uses 'Myungsoo' in front of me. At that time, I loathed her for calling me that. After doing such a horrible mess.

A second after she wailed in pain out of the blue. I got worried and asked her what's wrong. She informed her left eye hurt. I offered to see her eye. Krystal felt uncomfortable on the bench when she turned to me so she located herself in front of me, kneeling. I leaned closer and stroke her eye unhurriedly and gently. A VERY tiny rock came out from the orb.

Awkward.

Krystal giggled. On the other hand, I was absolutely terrified as I spotted Honey running away from us. Bumping into trees, street lamps (that hurts), payphones (ummm...), wall?! She didn't care. She continued dashing far away from me and my heart broke into pieces as I recalled her tears dropping before she spun around. I felt an urge to run to her and hug her from behind while whispering in her ear that she misunderstood. However, Krystal stopped me.

''Don't.'' She said quietly, expressionless.

I glared at her in the most furious way possible. After that, I went back to the dorm, leaving my friend behind. I intended to reach Honey but my friend had a point. She needed to be away from me. She couldn't face me right then. Not after I made her sad. I hated myself.

To make matter worse, the managers told me off about something I already predicted from a while ago.

''Kim Myungsoo. What's the meaning of this?'' One of the managers tossed a used newspaper on the table in front of me while I was listening to music to ease my mind from all those happenings. My left earplug was in my ear and the other one was placed on my lap. Two pictures and bold letters were printed on the front page. The first picture was me with Honey; the other - with none other my 'beloved' mate Krystal. I didn't pick it up. It wasn't necessary since I knew what was written there.

''They're just my friends.'' I looked away without interest while telling a half-truth. Thank God, they didn't put the picture of my confessing to Honey. On a second thought, was I being spied by paparazzi? If I were, then things are bad.

''You should have let us know what you were doing.'' The other guy sighed. ''Next time, try to tell us everything.''

I felt relieved. No punishments for me. I was glad they were tolerant individuals. If we were chosen by other managers, they would be so strict that there were chances we couldn't go outdoors even for a day except when we head to the practice room.

''Everything?'' I raised my eyebrow. I got that idea to mock them a little.

''Yes.'' The said man nodded.

''So that means I have to inform you every detail of my life? Even my personal one?'' I smiled wittily.

''Kim Myungsoo, don't go there.'' They chided.

''Like...'' I snapped my fingers as I was thinking. ''... oh, yeah. MASTURBATING.'' I crossed my arms with a grin still plastered on my face. Inside, I was laughing out loud, though my face remained calm.

The managers leaned back a bit, showing their appalled looks and slowly exiting the living room.

''Still, kiddo, I got my eyes on you.'' The first manager pointed his eyes at me with his index and middle fingers. The other manager left the room first without further notice and the first man followed him after he closed the door behind him.

The other Infinite members weren't there at that time but they should have been to see the managers' reactions. I chuckled and put the right earplug on my remaining ear.

***

So, I told what I wanted to inform so nobody is misled like Honey is. I wish she forgives me soon, though I doubt things would be smooth in a few days or so.

A lot of things are on my mind right now. Whether there will be difficulty in the future, I must fight for my dreams. I'm bound to sacrifice and do anything for the sake of these dreams.

Krystal, like I said, just wait and see. You think I'm weak but you haven't seen anything yet...