Aspenwhisper's War

Part 10

      A/N: This chapter has another content warning (attempted murder, betrayal, PTSD). Please read at your own risk. Once again, if anyone feels uncomfortable with the content of this chapter, please send me a message and I'll gladly give the summary or this part of the story.

       The next half-moon dragged by slower than a leaf-bare frost. Aspenpaw found himself tiring quickly when he left the medicine den, and unable to get rid of the restless energy he'd always seemed to have.

       To make things worse, since Shadecreek's death, Pinepaw had stopped talking to him completely, and Brackenpaw grew a little more distant, trying to stop Pinepaw from directing any more hostility toward their healing brother. 

       It was clear to Aspenpaw that Pinepaw had placed the blame on him for Shadecreek's death, seeing as the brown tabby had burst into the medicine den in a fit of fury, spitting hatred. 

       "You could have saved him!" Pinepaw had screeched, lunging for his brother before Brackenpaw had stopped him. "You hid in that tree like the coward you've always been! You killed our father! I'll kill you!" 

       Aspenpaw shook his head to clear the memory, looking up when his mother entered the den with a thrush, her deep green gaze clouded with grief as she gazed at her son sadly, padding over to him, curling her slender body around the young cat who'd seen so much. 

       "Oh, my son," Gingerfall whispered as Aspenpaw curled into her, burying his face in her fur. "My beautiful baby. I'm so sorry." The she-cat's voice was thick with emotion, but she kept herself steady for his sake, leaning down to gently groom her kit. "I want him back too; trust me."

       Aspenpaw sniffled and looked up, blinking rapidly. "Pinepaw was right." He said, his voice cracking. "I could've saved him, but instead I stayed in the tree and watched like a coward. I should have done something." 

       "And get yourself killed in the process?" Gingerfall asked sharply, looking at her son in the eyes. "Your father told you to hide, and you obeyed him. If you had interfered, the warrior would have killed you too and then where would we be?" She didn't bother hiding the grief cracking her voice. "I would have lost you both. No, it never should have happened, but I couldn't bear losing both of you." She cleared her throat before continuing. "Whatever Pinepaw says, ignore it. He's grieving, just like the rest of us are. He didn't have as good of a relationship with your father as you did, and he's jealous of that. He also regrets not building the relationship when he had the chance to; so all of that is building up."

       Aspenpaw looked away, either unable or unwilling to respond. He knew he had to pull himself out of this rut eventually, but there were reminders of Shadecreek everywhere but the medicine den. He curled tighter into a ball, sighing.

       "You're so much like him, you know?" Gingerfall murmured tenderly. "I see it more and more by the day. You may look like me on the outside, but on the inside, you're him, with your little quirks here and there."

       "Really?" Aspenpaw asked, pricking his ears with interest. "I mean, I know there are things about me that are like him, but I thought that because he was gone, I had to move on and get rid of all that."

       Gingerfall shook her head, the ghost of a smile on her tired face. "Never hide it." She said softly, nuzzling her son's ears. "Never hide the parts of him that still live in you. You are Shadecreek's son and that will never change. Let the similarities you share strengthen you, let them drive you into becoming the best warrior you can be; into a warrior he'd be proud of."

~~~~~~~~~~

       A few days after Aspenpaw's chat with his mother, Whitefall and Flamesong had deemed him fit enough to return to camp life, which he did gratefully, smiling when Graypaw, one of the newest apprentices, was the first to greet him.