"My sun baby is sad, huh?" Nikki sips her tea then puts it down on the bedside table.
"A little. Plan on doing more of that hot wet yoga to cheer me up?" I wiggle my eyebrows and obnoxiously slurp my tea.
Earning myself yet another eye roll, she grabs my cup and puts it next to hers. The playfulness of the moment dissipates when she looks back at me with her eyebrows furrowed. I know the words that are about to leave her mouth before she says them.
"Can we talk?" She asks quietly. I normally have to pry her for information, so this must be important.
I try to smooth the line between between her brows with my thumb.
"What are you thinking so hard about in there?" I snicker, not ready to hear what she has to say next.
"Us and whether we are about to be torn apart again."
Well, this took a turn.
"What?" I blink.
"There are some things I need to tell you before we deal with the whole 'Jeff Thing' once and for all. I've been keeping it from you because there's really no way for me to bring it up so...casually...? Maybe that's the wrong word to use." Nikki smacks my hand away. "Leave my worry lines alone, Styles."
"Baby...you worry too much. We're good now." I watch her eyes shift downward to stare at her hands.
Hang on a secooond.
"We're gooood, riiiiight?" I glare at her.
"All you care about is if we're good and you completely ignored the fact that I just told you that I've been lying by omission for like...our entire relationship!" Her eyes are filling with tears. I'm still not following, but in my gut I know not to freak out because I'm quite familiar with how her mind works.
"Darling, look at me." I hold her face in my hands. "You are a terrible liar. And I know you haven't told me everything because you think it will make me think less of you. Am I right?"
Nikki nods and puts her hands over mine.
"Only reason I haven't told you everything is because I'm tired of my 'past' being dragged into my 'now', ya know? I'm so fucking tired of the person I used to be. I'm never going back to that. I need to move forward and just be in the light. I thought my personal life imploded before but then we became us and—"
"Baby—" I try to calm her down, but she stops me.
"I need to get this out before it suffocates me. Just listen, please!" She pulls away from me. Her hands pull at her hair, something we both do when we're stressed out.
I nod, reaching out for her hand. She doesn't take it, but I place it over hers anyway. She's trying to emotionally detach herself from the situation. If I hold her or kiss her now, she's bound to have an outburst. I've spent the past several months learning to love her better. I'm not the most patient person, but to love her is to truly know her triggers and to not to take drastic changes in her mood due to her bipolar disorder so personally.
I'm not perfect with managing this, but I'm getting better.
The hardest times are when she is completely numb and stays in bed all day or doesn't want me around. It's hard not to take it personally. I try and leave her little love notes that she might find on her pillow or the bathroom.
She has a box she keep them all in, so I know she cares that even when she's not at her best, I'm there and I care. My clingy ass puts one of her hoodies on since I'm not getting hugs when she's depressed. I learned the hard way that she has to come to
me or approach me when she's having an episode in less she's having a complete breakdown theeen I intervene.
YOU ARE READING
The Sound of Silence 2 // H.S.
Fanfiction*MATURE CONTENT* I fell to my knees before her. She couldn't even look at me. I was absolutely lost without her. I kissed the insides of her wrists over the tattoos that were etched in my handwriting. "I only want two things in this world-you and u...
