Reckless - II

12 - Et Tu, Brute? - pt.1

She slides her hand into mine, intertwining her fingers and pressing her palms against mine. Even though my heart is breaking and I'm angry with her, I don't let go. I miss her touch; I'd been craving it. I hold on tighter.

She walks me towards the apartment. And towards Apollo; who stands waiting. Once we reach the fronts steps, she waves goodbye with her free hand. Then she blows him a kiss.

"Thanks for the ride!"

He mock catches her kiss and puts it in his pocket. It's incredibly cheesy and shouldn't have the power to tear me apart. But it does. It's a painful twist of the blade. He waves at us before getting into the backseat of a Towncar. He has his own driver. Perfect.

She leads me into the apartment building. Ari is holding my hand and I still can't bring myself to pull it free. I don't want her to let go. She'd only moments ago been kissing Apollo and I can't stand the thought of her letting go. I'm holding my hand to an open flame and refusing to pull it away. The pain I'm experiencing is excruciating, but I hold on tight because the agony I once I pull free will be far worse.

Ari starts rambling rapidly, I can barely understand her. Her words blend and slur into one another. She swings my hand back and forward as we climb up the stairs. I believe she is explaining her day with Apollo but I'm not listening. It's getting harder and harder to hold in my emotions.

"...And oh my god Isabella you should have seen his yacht."

She fumbles with her keys and accidentally drops them.

"It's not his but his fathers." She continues.

Her hand loosens on mine. She is planning to let go of me to grab the fallen keys.

I lean down to snatch them up from the floor before she can go for them. I slide the key into the lock and open the apartment door. She walks in and pulls me inside with her.

Does she realize she's still holding my hand? That she is holding my hand as lover do, not like a friend? Our hands aren't cupped but interlaced. It's somehow more intimate. She is torturing me. I want to believe she doesn't know what she is doing to me. I want to believe she isn't playing me like a fiddle. 

She walks us over to the counter and rests our hands on top of it. Ari lazily strokes the back of my hand with the pad of her thumb as she talks. Her eyes are wide and filled with excitement as she continues to gush over her day's activities.

She is barely taking a breath between her words. She is hyper and distracted. Her eyes aren't focusing on any part of the room but flicking back and forward as she runs through her day. It vaguely occurs to me she might be on something. Or maybe it's that she isn't.

"And then Apollo..."

Ugh, Apollo. I tune out again. I might hear something I don't want to, instead I focus on her touch. The feeling of her caressing my skin. It's not fair. Just her holding my hand is making my heart race. Her hands are sweaty and clammy which is unusual for her. And still, I don't want her to...

She lets go of my hand and throws her bag on to the counter. She frantically rummages through it in search of some unknown object.

Whatever bit of sanity is being held together by her touch breaks. Or perhaps I have it backward. Now that I'm no longer touching her, I can think. The anger the heartbreaks comes pouring back in. She'd just been kissing Apollo. Happily kissing him.

I turn my back to her to hide the tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

I walk over to my door and touch the handle.

"But we haven't talked in days," She says sadly. "I talked about my day. How was your day? Was your day good? I miss you." She rushes out.

"Sorry, I'm tired another day." I make my way towards my room.

"Oh, okay." She says quietly.

I turn the handle but pause before stepping in. There is clear disappointment in her voice. She'd said she missed me. She wants to spend time with me. And I want to spend time with her too. Despite the hallow in my pain chest, and the low throb in the back of my eyes, I want to take her up on her offer.

I could push back whatever I'm feeling and put on a fake smile. We can sit on the couch and talk all night. Even if she wants to talk about Apollo. As long as she holds my hand some more, I can manage it.

"By the way," Ari says from behind me. "I dropped out of the French lessons. I won't be back. Will you tell everyone for me?"

She'd dropped them? Meaning she isn't going to be at lunch anymore. My presence had been so suffocating she'd just given me the whole place and all her new friends.

"I want to travel more of France. It's a waste of money if I keep skipping. I have some friends in Toulouse I want to visit. I'll be back this weekend."

She is leaving me alone in France. An unfamiliar country where I barely knew anyone. I mentally calculate how many days till the weekend. Today is Tuesday she would be gone at the very least four days possibly five. It had only been two days and look at what had happened. She would be gone days, but at least she won't be with...

"I'm going with Apollo and..."

I slam the door behind me. I throw myself on to the bed and bury my head deep into my pillow and scream. My scream is muffled but it fills my small space. I'm sure she hears it. And I don't care.

There's a knock on my door.

I ignore her. She knocks again. I don't answer.

I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to look at her. I'm feeling so much, I can't process it all. I can't be away from her. I can't stand to be near her. She makes my heart race. She makes me sick. I love her.

I hate her.

Eventually, her shadow under the door goes away.

I squeeze my eyes shut and force the tears back. I'm not going to cry over Aurora. I won't do it anymore. I didn't let him break me and I wouldn't let her either.

My mother was right, I'd made a big mistake.

I want to go home.

TBC...Chapter Six pt.2 next

It was such a bad cliff hanger before I decided to end it early.