The Daughter's Mistake

Chapter 20

He disappeared and I pressed my back against the wall, sinking down into the tub, letting my grief take over. I crawled out of the tub and I struggled to stand. It felt like all the life had been sucked out of me. Why couldn't this man just take my life too?

But in a way, this man would take over my life. Taking away my piece of mind, I would've been better off dying that day. At the time I would have no idea what he meant by "the first in a long line of heartbreaks," but everything makes sense now. But nothing really started until that first hunt.

About a week later, I was on my own. My college plans practically thrown out the window. All I had was the small amount of money that my grandparents left in my name, my things that I packed up before I left, some mementos I brought with me from my grandparent's home, and my truck. The only option I had left was to go crying to my dad, the one thing that I had no desire to do whatsoever.

I knew what he did, and I wanted to be a part of that, but this was not the way I wanted to come to him. So I get there, within a couple of days, he had my first case set up for me. It was a simple hunt, just a couple of werewolves. I had learned the lore a few months back, and that was the time that I was supposed to be using to study for ACTs.

I didn't die, obviously. This was my routine for the next few years of my life. I was like the boys, jumping around from motel to motel, calling up my dad to find a new case. But no one knew of my existence.

No friends, a dad that I honestly knew nothing about, and that was it. I never grew attached to anyone, it was the aftermath of my grandparent's death that made me the way that I was. Relationships were not a priority, they were just extra baggage that had no profit. Looking back on it, I see how wrong I was, thinking that the solitary life was the life that I wanted to live.

The Winchesters taught me more than anything I ever learned in school or from my grandparents. They taught me about family, unconditional love, bravery, and dozens upon dozens of other life lessons. They weren't even aware of it, but without them, I wouldn't be who I am. I wouldn't know what love really felt like, having your mood change just by the mere thought of them.

But when the Winchesters were introduced to my story, that's when the pieces all started to click together. It was as if they were the ones who triggered all of the bad things in my life, but they were like a drug. I wanted them, but they were the worst possible thing for me. It seemed as if there would never be true happiness when they were around.

Then there was the fallen angel. He could help, that's what everyone told me. They thought they could trust him to take care of me, put my life into his hands. I was blinded by his wings, basically by his grace.

He seemed perfect, believe me, he did. If you were there in his presence, maybe you could understand, but Castiel wouldn't be out in the open. His physical features were hypnotizing, and every time he kissed me, I would melt into him. Letting him do whatever he would please, but that never went far.

We were the rag-tag group, the people that you would never expect to stop the single-most important moment in the entire world. We stopped the apocalypse. Thinking that maybe we could move on from Sam, we all made our own plans. Castiel and I were going to have a life, but then he went back to Heaven, so I figured I would stick with Dean and hunt, but of course those plans fell through.

You've heard too much of my year of solitude, I feel like it's been overused. You've learned as much as you can about me, so why don't I speed up things to right about now? I sit in the passenger seat of the Impala, resting my head on the window, drifting in and out of consciousness. Dean drives down the road, nothing but silence in the car.

I'll occasionally look at him in the corner of my eye, and I can see the hurt in his face. The possibility of Castiel working for Crowley behind our backs would be nothing we would ever expect. My head hurts, I struggle to remember things that I know I'm forgetting. This never happens, my gut tells me that I know who did this to me, but I want to ignore it.