It was me all along ~ Jacklyn

Chapter 15

POV Jack

I think kissing Brook was the stupidest thing I've ever done. It was easy to ignore the voice screaming in my head about what a fucking idiot I am when Brook had a gentle grip on my hand as we made our way up from the pond to see the other rink. It was easy to ignore the voice when I was snuggled up next to Brook on the bench while we watched the other boys playing hockey. It was easy to ignore the voice when Brook was giving me a tender kiss as we said goodbye after the guys finished their game.

It is not easy to ignore the voice now that I'm laying in my bed the next day, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about all the ways Brook is going to shred me apart. Harvey and Mikey came in a few hours ago to say bye to me before they left for the library, they've got some ridiculously complicated essay due soon that they've been stressing about. The music coming from Andy room tells me Andy must be painting.

I hardly slept last night because the second I was in the car with Mikey, Andy and Harvey and Brook was pulling away in his truck with Rye and Sonny, my mind would not stop analyzing all the ways I'm setting myself up to be destroyed. It's almost one in the afternoon now, but I haven't left my bed. All that skating yesterday was not a good idea, every one of my joints hurts and my leg muscles burn with every movement.

It had been nice though, after the kiss. We had taken off our skates and sat on the bench and Brook had put his arm around my shoulders and held me close. I wasn't sure if it was because I was shivering or because of whatever is going on between us now, but it felt nice. It was also nice when I felt Brook's lips press against my beanie when Brook twined our fingers together when Brook brushed his lips against my knuckles. All tender things, all sweet things, all nice things. I don't deserve nice or sweet or tender though, so it was all wrong.

I hear the music shut off in Andy's room and his feet padding down the hall. He doesn't knock before he comes in and when he crawls under the covers with me he has paint dried on his knuckles and a bit smeared across his forehead. I roll over when Andy's arms snake around my shoulders and I snuggles close. Andy's fingers trace up and down my back and I reach up to wipe away the drying paint with the sleeve of the ratty old sweatshirt I'm wearing.

"How are you feeling babe? You tired today?" Andy asks gently. "Yeah a little tired I guess," I say. "What are you painting?" I add. "Inconsistency, fickleness," he says. Andy always paints vague things that I never fully understands, but the emotion is clear on every canvas he touches. He isn't in school for his art, he just does it as a way to express himself, but I, Mikey and Harvey think everything he paints is gorgeous.

"Can I see it?" I ask. "Of course, but I ran out of fuchsia paint so I need to get some and finish it first. Rye wanted to meet up for coffee and to study though, do you think you'll be okay home alone for a bit?" he says. "Rye?" I ask. "Yeah, he is a sweetheart. I'm kind of pretending to be worse at singing so he'll help me," he shrugs shyly. I laugh. "As if you need to do that, love. Just ask him out," I say. He scrunches up his nose.

"I don't know if he likes me....you know how I am," he says. "I know babe, though I'll never get why you're so shy. You're very loveable and gorgeous and sweet," I say seriously because I know Andy needs to be reminded sometimes. Andy chuckles but his tan cheeks colour a bit. "You have to say that," he says. "No, I don't. If studying goes well I want you to ask him out. Like for dinner or something. Okay?" I say. "Yeah?" Andy says hesitantly and I nod. "Alright, if you say so," he adds. I hum, running my fingers through Andy's hair.

"You have got a little paint on you, wash your face before you go and have fun," I say and Andy grins. "Thanks, Jacky, call me if you need anything, yeah?" he says. "For sure, love you," I say. "Love you too," Andy says, squeezing me before he crawls out of the bed. I listen to the sounds of Andy going to wash his face and change before gathering his things to leave, then I hear the click of the front door closing behind him. I roll over to bundle myself up in the duvet and buries my face into my pillow to try and get a bit more sleep.