City of Angels - K.L

TWENTY-NINE

Kian's words that night affected me permanently, it would feel. But I stay with Colby, riding it out. I stay with him through the New Year, returning the favour and throwing him a surprise party I had been planning since November for him on the second of January. It's in February I can feel the change. Feel the lack of something, a lack that isn't just from me anymore. I'm sure Colby's finally caught on. Finally given up on holding our relationship together. Finally gotten tired of it only being one sided, me not putting in the same amount of effort. I've tried, I really have. I do love Colby, don't get me wrong. But it isn't the same, and it isn't fair. He deserved better than me. He always has. I've been planning on doing this pretty much through all of our relationship, breaking things off, but every time I'm about to something happens that sweeps me off my feet again and I stay. I can't do it any more, can't keep doing it to him. I head to his apartment, still Ubering. I let myself up and in, just like always. But opening the door to his apartment, I'm almost not at all surprised to see what I walk in on. They're all limbs, body's wrapped together on the couch. Hands in hair and teeth in skin.  I recognise her too, he had introduced her to me as a friend. I had no reason to think otherwise. I clear my throat
"Sorry. Hi..."
His eyes snap up to me
"Zay-"
I cover my eyes for the sake of their privacy
"Get dressed, I'll be in the hall."
I step out again, waiting a couple of minutes before they emerge. Savannah walking right past me without the slightest glimpse, as if I wasn't there. I don't wait for her to be gone before walking back into his apartment, Colby on my heels. He closes the door, and joins me on the couch still without a shirt. He begins
"Zay, I'm sorry."
I shake my head
"Don't be. I did the same thing, remember?"
He nods, and explains
"I just... we're not the same, Zay. We haven't been for a while."
I nod, agreeing
"I know. I don't think we were ever meant to be together this way."
"It was more of a friendship the whole time huh?"
I hum
"Friends who are allowed to make out."
We both manage a laugh, and I tell him
"I'm not mad. I get it. You should have done this a long time ago."
He shakes his head
"No... either way I'm happy whatever this is happened."
I kiss him one last time
"So am I. And thank you."
He raises an eyebrow
"For what? I mean, you're welcome, but why?"
I giggle, shrugging with a hand still against his face
"Whatever this is was exactly what I needed. In one way or another you were exactly what I needed."
He kisses my temple, hugging me to him. After a moment, he begins
"Hey Zay..."
"Yeah?"
"Can I make a suggestion."
I scoff
"Please."
"Go talk to Kian. I personally think you two are endgame."
I hum, nodding
"I'll try to talk to him. I still don't think he's soberly happy with me."
He rolls his eyes
"Nobody could ever stay mad at you, Zaya."
Standing from the couch, I ask him
"Are we still good for catching that movie on the weekend?"
"Of course we are."

I leave his house crying even though that went wonderfully. Why the hell am I always so emotional. I cry when I'm happy, when I'm angry, when I'm sad, when I'm relieved. What is wrong with me? I guess it's the feeling of loss, even though nothing was really lost. We felt the same. We kept it going for a while, but we both knew it couldn't go further. And as much as I want to take up his suggestion and instantly go find and talk to Kian- I know I've got to take a break. Let myself mourn this for some reason. Maybe it's more taking some time to live on my own, find my own self again. The person I am alone. And now it the best time to do this, filming starts in a few days anyway.

My trailer is insane. I had no idea it would be like this. Modern, with every amenity. I could quite literally live in here.
"Zaya?"
My PA Dante knocks on my door, I answer it
"Yeah brotha?"
"You have a visitor. Goes by Kian?"
Kian? Kian's here? I jump
"Yeah! Yes- yes go get him please."
Dante excuses himself with a nod. I find myself trying to find ways to make it look like I'm not anxiously waiting for him. Trying to find a natural position, but everything feels foreign now. I stand, awaiting him. He walks in a minute later, arms full of flowers. I gasp, running into his arms. He shifts the flowers into one arm, and holds me in the other. He kisses my head
"Look at you superstar."
I roll my eyes and step back. He places the flowers in my arms, a huge bouquet of rich burgundy and peach roses, silver leaf and daisies. I clap a hand over my eyes as if to hold back tears- nobody had ever given me flowers before. He hugs me to him again
"Zi- I didn't mean to make you cry."
I shake my head and drop my hand
"No- no I'm happy. You're the sweetest Ki. Thank you."
He tells me
"I had to see you on your first day. I couldn't help myself."
I kiss his cheek, poking my head out to ask
"Dante? Put these is a vase for me?"
"Yes ma'am."
He takes the bouquet to do as I ask. Back in my trailer, Kian asks
"Where have you been the past few days? I've been trying to call you."
I smirk, joining him on the couch
"On a sabbatical."
He laughs, and I explain further
"Had my phone off."
I can see the debate behind his eyes as he looks over my face, he cautiously decides to bring up
"You and Colby?"
I shrug
"We broke up. It was mutual. It's all good."
A smile rises over his lips
"So... you're single?"
I smirk
"Yeah. I'm single."
It's then that Dante pokes his head in
"Zay? Sorry- hair and make up."
I nod
"Right."
He steps out, and I turn back to Kian
"Duty calls."
He smiles
"Go get em."
I kiss his cheek, and follow Dante out. Feeling more prepared than ever to start on the next chapter of my life.