Be My Mistake - Matty Healy FanFic

Chapter Twenty One

" He is, but he gives in sometimes," I said, tugging the ends of my sweater over my hands. I suddenly felt very small and cold.

" I'm sorry," Alex mumbled, pulling me against his chest as he placed a kiss down my hair.

" It's not your fault. I just feel bad, you know," I explained, leaning back to look at him, " It's just difficult. Usually, I'm there to divert his attention from the bad things but It's just hard now that the only connection I have to him is through a phone."

" He's a grown-up, Rosie. He's not your responsibility," Alex said calmly, " I know you want to be there for him, but in the end, he'll have to look after himself."

I knew he was right even though I couldn't help feeling guilty. Guilty that he was alone, guilty that I wasn't there, but more than anything, I was guilty that I couldn't tell how he truly felt when we facetimed. It was absolutely pathetic. How could I almost be done with my psychology education and still not be able to read the one person in the world I loved the most.

Sure, I knew he didn't sleep well but I honestly thought, or at least hoped, that he hadn't found it necessary to drug himself up.

" I know," I said, taking a deep breath before reaching out for my computer that rested on top of the table where I had left it minutes earlier, " Can we just continue and finish this project."

" If you say so, R," he said, observing me for a couple of seconds to see if I was truly alright, before he too, grabbed his computer.

I needed to help him. I just didn't know how yet.

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Matty's POV.

Rome was far away. One month away to be exact. That was the only thing going on in my mind. Every bit of energy and thought process was spent powering the giant countdown in my head. Everything else was one big faded blur. A blur I couldn't figure out.

People, places, questions. I didn't know where to start or where to finish.

Paying attention was becoming rare to me, and also I didn't care. Usually, I wouldn't stand up a chance to be listened to or looked at, but I didn't bother anymore.

" I'm sorry about him. He's not feeling well lately." I heard Jamie 'excuse' my lack of interest and engagement in some interview we had just done. Exceptionally, my band members had had lots of opportunities to speak. Even Hann who rarely said anything. I, on the other hand, had kept quiet except if the question had been directed to me especially. " Yeah, he's got the flu," Jamie continued, as I left the studio and went into the room in the back where Jane sat in a big leather couch, reading some fashion magazine.

I could hear how Ross, George and Hann were all saying their goodbyes to the tv team in the other room.

" You got me something?" I asked her, making my way across the small room, standing in front of her.

She smiled calmly, reaching into her jean pocket, throwing me the usual little bag, without even looking at me. " You know, you pay me too little to keep this habit of yours going," she said calmly, still with her eyes glued to the magazine that rested in her lap.

" I don't pay you at all Jane," I said in a monotone voice, " Jamie does," I added, dry-swallowing one of the familiar pills and tugged the rest into my pocket just in time before the rest of the band entered the room.

"Maybe you should then," she challenged with a wink.

I just rolled my eyes and turned my back to her, which I regretted instantly as George didn't look pleased at all.

" What's with you lately?" he asked, looking somewhere in between pissed and worried. A face expression I had seen way to many times back when I did cocaine and the other hard stuff. Only this time, it was only "sleeping pills" but he didn't know that, and he also wouldn't believe me if I told him.

" Nothing, I just don't sleep well," I mumbled, sitting down on the opposite couch of Jane. I had learned that it was best to stay out of her reach. Everything that was in her circumference, she took as an invitation. George didn't seem to care though, cause he quickly sat down beside her, leaning forward so that he was only half a metre from my face.

" I don't believe you. Don't you care about how you had just gotten better? Don't you care about how you look and act?" he asked, with a desperate voice. He was tired of me. It didn't need to be vocalized. " How would you feel if Rosie was here?" he continued, making me sigh.

" Better," I said truthfully.

He had no idea.

" That's not what I ..." George started but was cut off by Jamie who had finally reached the room.

" What's going on here?" he asked, stopping in his tracks by the view of George's giant body, that was almost towering over me from how far he had leaned forward in his seat.

" Nothing, it's just George that's being premenstrual" I joked, rolling my eyes as I stood from my spot.

I wasn't gonna stay and listen to their health preach, and I sure as hell didn't want to be the centre of attention for their judging eyes. I was doing fine anyway.

Just one month till Rome. That was all.

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If anything goes according to plan this was the second last chapter which means there'll be one more chapter to this book before I move on to the sequel. The last chapter will probably be up later this week, so stay tuned.

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