Good for you

10. Stalking Ex

Harvey at the moment:

I was worried sick when Carrie texted me that Lila was in the hospital. As always, I thought of the worst. That she saw Felix and, he beat her up. For a second, I was convinced he was so crazy. Jerk.

I've been driving towards the hospital even more than I'm allowed. I don't care. I want to make sure she's okay. I kind of rushed and jumped in the room, I saw her mom get scared. I always left the impression of a savage in front of her. Sometimes by accident, sometimes totally intentional.

She was sitting on the bed, reviewing the messages. Certainly mine - I hope it's just mine. I'm still not sure if there's anyone at all. Carrie's not useful at all. She is always talking about Niel and their nonsense. And such a direct question to Lila was never one of the options. I'd sound like a wild stalker.

She laughed when we talked. That's a good sign. I can still make her laugh. I wish I could hug her and convince her that I'll fix everything. But I don't want to bury her with that kind of problems. We got time. I'll try it slowly. I'll be there for her. One step at a time.

And that's how I started. I leaned near her. She looked at my blue eyes. That's how we looked for a safe minute. I finally gave her a little kiss on the cheek. Just enough to have something to think about. And I'd rather throw myself at her. And in her. I'm not supposed to think about what happens next. I'm still in the hospital, and her mother is still here.

♥

Lila at the moment:

Getting back from the hospital was exhausting just because my mom questioned me like I'm in a police station. I know she's worried and I should tell her everything that happened, but it's not time yet. I don't want to hurt her anymore. Felix has fucked things up enough.

I just wanted to get some sleep and preferably, if I woke up, that everything was resolved or even better — as if nothing had happened.

Yet, in all this hell, the mere thought of a moment with Harvey in the hospital, made me start to blush in my cheeks. Unlike my old Harvey, who was either drunk or stoned half the day and the only language he was familiar only included swearwords and ugly adjectives – this Harvey is caring and using a nice vocabulary. He was always caring but he had a hard time showing it. I already explained. He was a person with hard character. But I can say with certainty-he loved me.

From everything Felix has fucked up, it turned up something good for Harvey. That's why I'm glad.

I tried to contact him. My mom called him as soon as they brought me to the hospital, and Ruby's texting him every five minutes. I gave up on him. I sent a message to Maggie. Instead of texting, she called.

"Hey. I just wanted to tell you that we're never going to see each other again. It's for the best. Maybe."

"Why? I thought we clicked pretty well. "– I was a little sad. I loved Maggie. She's simple and sincere. She had more balls than my brother to confess everything to me.

"Felix left me as soon as we landed. I moved out of his apartment back to my parents."

"Because of what you told me here in London?"

"Yes, he said he couldn't trust me." – She said and started to cry.

"Maggie, regardless of Felix and your relationship, you can always call me. We're all so fond of you, and I want us to stay on the good terms. Felix is a fool. He's still not returning my calls. "

"Thank you, Lila. I think I just need to calm down a little bit. I'm still convinced I did a good thing. I would never want anyone to do that to me. I hope I've helped you in any way."

"You helped me by opening my eyes. Thank you so much. I owe you. "

"Please don't thank me for anything. I wish you all the best and I hope that things will sort out. "– she said. We exchanged a few more wishes and broke up.

♥

If I'm good at something, then it's the writing long messages. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to write Felix everything I've been holding up inside of me. I just want one word out of him. Just one stupid, lousy "sorry."

For the first time, it was difficult to start. I've had a blockage before, but I didn't know how to start a message for a person who disappointed me so much. I expected him to be the one to write this long-ass messages, not me. Funny. Whenever someone hurts me, I always feel like I owe everybody an apology.

I wrote a text message. Now all I can do is wait. Wait and hope for the best or never see him again in my life.

♥

My day passed so slowly. My mom treated me like I had a heart attack, not a panic attack. She wouldn't let me go out. Like I'm a little kid like Ruby.

I called Alex, then Carrie. I even called Nina just to see how her job search was going. I'm already really crazy from this bed and this house. I even thought it would be good to go to Harvey's show. I just remembered I don't know what his band is called. So I found a new hobby. Stalking Harvey. Again. But this time, I'll be more detail.

I found a profile of the band under the highlighted images. "Origen band." That's an interesting name. They're famous here in England areas. Then I found a picture with some girl. The picture was posted by the same girl. Kiara Lee. She look cute but... Maybe it's someone's girlfriend. I caught myself thinking too much about that girl. And yet I can't be in peace. Although I have no right to be jealous and even if there was something between Harvey and her – it's OK. He had to date someone since we broke up.

I didn't. I had a few guys here and there just to kick some stress, but nothing lasted longer until the first dawn. I wasn't emotionally available. Nor did I want to. I focused on the university and the goal of finishing it.

Although, no one was like Harvey. Nor could it ever be. After all, he was my first great love.