Breathe

five

My plan was bulletproof.

First, I was going to figure out how to become my old self again, so I could once more enjoy being in my own skin. The time to drown in self hatred was over, there were things to do now, and moping around wouldn't get me anywhere.

Once I had gotten over the first few stages of finding the way back to my former self, I would try to get Asher to talk to me. It wouldn't be easy, so I had to get some of that confidence back again as well – I had to face what I did, and then make up for it somehow.

I had to get Asher back.

Those two things were my top priorities. I wanted a bunch of other things as well, like trying to give up smoking and convincing Sam that I was better off alive than beaten to death with a chair, but that had time. Or, at least I liked to think so.

For the first time in months, I had something to do, a plan I could stick to – a purpose.

Hopefully, everything would work out like I planned it to.

Now that I looked presentable to the public once again, Gill and I left Michael's house to take a walk. I felt incredibly nervous, afraid that we would run into someone I didn't want to see, and since that was pretty much every person in this town beside Gill who was already walking next to me, I was pretty stressed out.

God, I wished Gill would have allowed me to bring my cigarettes.

My headphones were hanging around my neck again, with music blasting out of them even though I wasn't actively listening to it. I just enjoyed having a background noise, and Gill didn't question it.

"So, are you excited for your first summer here?" Gill asked, grinning up at me. I raised a brow.

"Does the town magically transform into a huge city? If so, yeah. Hella."

She sighed. "No, but once school ends, there's one party after the other. We're gonna have a great time." She paused, her smile turning into a slightly mischievous grin. "Maybe it's easier for you to talk to Ash when you're intoxicated."

Rolling my eyes, I lightly punched her shoulder, even though I didn't completely disagree with her. Alcohol did help with a few things.

"Where are we even going?" I asked as we turned down a street I had never walked on before. Gill shrugged, linking her arm with mine.

"Just enjoying the nice weather. Getting some color. Forcing some endorphins to push out the depression."

I sighed. "I met someone new."

The girl raised her brows in surprise, turning her head to look up at me. "Already? Who is he?"

"Not like that," I said, rolling my eyes. "Apparently Michael's neighbor. Conan, he's nineteen."

Gill's eyes briefly narrowed. "I know him. Well, not know know him. I just know he exists. Wait, you've never realized he lives next door?"

I shook my head. "I can be pretty self-centered, I guess."

"Boy, if that ain't facts." She sighed. "So, what's he like? Did you befriend him already, or did you forget how to do that?"

A light breeze came up, tugging on our hair. It made the midday heat a little more bearable.

"We talked last night. He seems nice enough."

"Nice enough for what?" Gill raised a brow, her gaze inquisitive. "If you're gonna be with someone else before Ash is over you, I'm gonna go through with that slap."