Colorfluid

Who's Eating My Fate

"Mary, what's wrong." My mother was pulling my hair and giving me tips on how to do taxes. She knew exactly what was wrong.

"Nothing, mom." I lied.

"Are you scared to marry him?" 

"Sure." I lied again.

Maybe she didn't know.

It always surprises me how blind she is.

"I promise its going to be the best afternoon of your life."

That afternoon I was going to hold the hands of a man and vow my heart to him.

My entire childhood my mom told me it was more important to focus on the marriage than the wedding- but now all she could say was "isn't this the happiest day of my little girl's life?" 

Not that I care.

It's just weird.

(TIME SKIP TO THE WEDDING)

My best friend walked down the aisle way in front of me in a bright pink dress, she was on the arm of her man, and she held a small bouquet. Throughout the years we've built a beautiful, understanding, hilarious relationship.

I thought once that she would be on my side on that afternoon; and that she would dance with me at the reception- instead of planning the debut and breaking my heart.

The man who I was to wed, Evan, and I never meant to take our relationship this far. It just started as a college fling- a simple, romantic, in between classes sort of thing. 

He understood that I did not prefer his 'type' and I knew for a fact that he did not prefer me.

We even stopped seeing each other for a year.

But, just as I came close to graduating- I ended up as the legal guardian of an ex-girlfriend and good friend's new born.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!

At the time, I had replaced friends with schoolwork; so, I didn't really have anyone to help me with expenses, housing, or any basic needs of the child and me.

So, as the desperate and stupid kid I was, I contacted Evan.

I was only looking for a friend to maybe give me twenty dollars once in a while.

But, Evan thought it essential that I was married and raised my new born in a stable household.

MERRY CHRISTMAS NOW IMMA HAVE A HUSBAND AND A KID!!!!!!!

I argued with Evan a lot about it.

But, I gave in, thinking this was the easiest way to continue.

So now I'm walking down the aisle...

In a church...

With a dress on...

About to marry a man...