just be happy

screw the 30 day challenge *part 1*

ya know what? screw the 30 day challenge. fuck rules and stereotypes. i'm a motherfucking rebel. i'm gonna do it all in one. 

Day One:

Current relationship? If single, talk about how single life is.

Honestly, I couldn't fucking tell you. I have no clue what the fuck is going on right now. And by single life, do you mean crying yourself to sleep whilst constantly cuddling your cat so you feel loved? Because if that's what you mean, then yeah. I'm that.

Day Two:

Where'd you like to be in ten years?

Well, by that time, I'll be 23. Yes, I'm only 13 shut up. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I want to be in an apartment in London. I'd be a youtuber and I'd draw comics. (professionally) Maybe I'd even write a book!

Day Three:

What are your views on drugs and alcohol?

Do cigarettes count as a drug? I don't freaking know. But just in case, fuck. cigarettes. i hate them. they gave one of my grandmas cancer and caused the other so many surgeries it's insane. i hate 'em. I could care less about weed. ITS A FUCKING PLANT WHY WOULD I CARE?! I don't really like the idea of drugs. I understand alcohol. Some people need an escape. I know that I could have used a few shots before.

Day Four:

What are your views on religion?

From the start, I have been very open about my thoughts on religion. In case I haven't made it clear enough or you really just don't want to look at my profile very much, I'm agnostic. The actual Google definition is 'a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.' 

Basically, maybe he is, maybe he isn't. Even with me being agnostic, I'm not very religious. At all. Religion can suck it, in my opinion.

If my opinions offend anybody, I truly am sorry. My opinion doesn't effect your life whatsoever and I hope that you can accept that. I still respect your opinion, and I hope that you respect mine.

Day Five:

Tell about a time you thought of ending your life?

*inner self battle* which one which one wh-

So I decided that I'm going to tell you guys about the one that most people in my life know about, because I am not about to get a thousand messages in my inbox. I'm looking at you, Autumn!! 

One day, when I came home from school, my parents weren't there. This is pretty common at my house. Well, I was getting bullied a lot that day. It was one of the days that my friend wasn't on the bus, too. This also gave people more opportunities to mess with me. I was already deeply depressed at this point and I had tried talking to my parents about it saying that I needed help, but they just brushed it off thinking that I was being dramatic again. To this day they still say that I was being overdramatic and never actually needed help. (*spoiler alert* we finally went to the doctor and i got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. i got pills for it. turns out my anxiety was running wild and causing me to overthink things and react extremely harshly to criticism.) So I grabbed a knife from the kitchen. Not one of the small knives, but one if the big ones. The knife that I grabbed was literally longer than my forearm. I held it up to my chest and pushed. The knife had already pierced my skin by the time I heard a ping come from my phone. I looked at it and smiled. My friends were texting me. At that moment, I thought 'there are some people in this world that need me just as much as i need them. i can't abandon them.'