Goodnight, Homie (Jotaro x Kakyoin?)

Shopping for the Homeboy

"It was no problem."

"My Motorola DynaTAC 8000x is almost outta battery, you know it only has 30 minutes, so I'll call you later. Bye bye."

"Bye sweetie, good luck finding a ring!"

Jotaro hangs up and finishes driving to the mall. He parks and walks to the Diamonds Direct.

"Hello sir, can I help you?" A friendly looking employee comes over the second Jotaro steps into the shop.

Jotaro grunts. "Looking for a ring for my homeboy."

"Uh... who?"

"My homie. I'm marrying him."

"Okay, sounds good... what kind of ring would he like, do you think?"

"Uh..." Jotaro says uh for fifteen seconds. "I dunno."

"Well, I have a display case here, so you can look and get some ideas, right?" The employee gestures to a glass box filled with glittering gems.

"'Kay." Jotaro strides over and peers into the display.

"Are you looking for a big diamond or a small one? Or perhaps you aren't look for a diamond? Just a silver band, perhaps? Depends on what your... homie? likes."

" I wanna get him a diamond."

"Okay, do you know what kind of diamond you might be looking for? A small one, a big one, or a colored one perhaps?"

"Uh... my homeboy likes the color red. You got any red diamonds?"

"We have a few red diamonds in our display, although they are a little bit more pink. What's your price range?"

Jotaro fishes around in his pocket and pulls out the twenty dollar bill, a few coins, a bit of lint, and a plastic bug. "This."

The employee starts to sweat nervously. "Sir, you only have twenty dollars?"

"Yeah."

"Uh, well our pink diamonds are around 7,000 dollars, so..."

"I knew those homies were expensive, dang it. Anyways, how much does this dawg cost?" He points to a nice, simple looking ring with a small diamond and crown, and a silver band.

"Uh... 2,400 dollars, if I'm correct."

"What? That's a big-time ripoff."

"What do you mean? It's actually a-"

"Listen up, homie." Jotaro lifts the employee up by the collar and brings him up so that they're eye to eye. "Diamonds should be about a tenth of the price they are. The DeBeers company created a monopoly on these stupid stones and told us that they're rare, precious, and long-lasting. However, they're actually quite common, aren't that precious, and burn up into carbon dioxide when heated. Basically, they might be hard, but they aren't special by a long shot. Cubic Zirconia looks just as nice, is just as hard, and is dirt cheap. I told you, not special."

"I can't-... do... anything- about that... sir!" The employee gasps, kicking wildly.

"Tell your boss that this ring should cost 200 dollars, not 2,000."

"I'm... just a-... minimum wage...- employee, sir-... I can't... do anything-"

"Oh, worms." Jotaro sets him down gently. "I'm a minimum wage employee too. Didn't know that you were a victim to this capitalist monstrosity of a corporation."

"Uh..." the employee rubs his throat, visibly shaking.

"I'm sorry, man. I'd best be heading outta this joint." Jotaro turns around and promptly heads out.