This is Us.

I am lucky

"But Sanem, can I ask you something before we end this night?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"Why are you taking medicine? And what's with that a letter in a bottle?"
Can saw her shock face. He's not sure what to feel about that. Maybe she's not just expecting this question but he was curious and willing to know everything about her. He was still reeling with the fact that he got memories again.
"Whh—What?"
Can is just watching her. Waiting for her answer. But she's still quite in shock.
Yes, he got some memories, he's not yet sure why he withhold it on her but he doesn't know how to tell her yet.
Yes, he's getting some memories and that somehow warms his heart. The glimpse of memories here and there are just some validations that they indeed have beautiful story and he's craving for more. The memories when he's grabbing her face was really familiar. The way he naturally did that. He felt the shock on her face too when he did that but he just let it go because of the memories that came in him.
It's like a television series of different events of him doing it to her.
In his dad's office in the agency, when she's bringing him a tea. She's so adorable he just suddenly grab her face.
In the park, them just walking and enjoying each other when he just suddenly grab her face because she's so cute with her make faces.
In the rocks? Where is that rocks? Familiar but of course he can't remember, them arguing with some petty things when he again grab her face.
Them inside his car.
Them in the kitchen of his dad's house.
Them having breakfast, he knew it was breakfast because of the food in the table in front of them.
Them in his beloved hut.
Yes, it feels like a television series just flowing in the memories and he wants more. His heart feels so warm with the memories that he wants to hug her again and he also get the sudden urge of wanting to kiss her just now.
But she's still in shock and not answering his question.
The question he almost forgot because of the memories he wants to hold on to.
'whatever her reason is, I'll let it go for now, she looks distress again and I don't want that to happen.' He said to himself.
"Sanem, it's okay. You don't need to answer now. Okay? Just remember that when you're ready to tell, I am ready too. I want to know everything about us, and I want to know everything about you. All your sadness, why are you crying. Please, I may have forgotten you, but the feelings of us, the connections we have feels so real and so strong even my amnesiac mind can't forbid it. I feel you baby. I can feel you so please be open to me too. Okay?" He said while holding gently both her face.

Sanem is Feeling terrible and she can't help herself but cry again with his words. He's so gentle with her. Even before the accident, he's not aware of how she spent in the hospital when he left for a year. He's not aware that she's taking a meds for her heart and mind even until now and with his situation right now, she just doesn't know how to tell him this. So she just nod and accept his offer.

Together, hand in hand they go back to her house.
"So, this is where I should drop you for the night?" He asked teasingly when they're at her doorstep and she can't help but smile at his playful manner.
'I like this side of him that I don't even know if I can let him go tonight'.
"Do you have something urgent to do tonight?" I ask hesitantly.
"Well, the amnesiac mind in me is telling me to prepare for tomorrow's new day, but my heart is telling me to stay here. So what should I do?" He ask sincerely.
"What?" I said
"If you want me to go, I'll go, if you want me to stay, I'll stay."
'Is there a time this man will not leave me speechless for tonight?' - I ask myself. I still don't know what to answer him when he suddenly speaks.
"Sanem, Wait, have we been in this before? I mean, I feel like I've said those words a thousand times already with you or you're the one who told me that.?" - He asked curiously and I can't help but smile at him.
"Yes, I can't count anymore how many times we said that to each other, even before I became your official girlfriend."
"Really?"
"Yeah, really!"
"Okay, So what should I do? I should stay or leave?"
"What do you want? You want to stay or leave?"
"Sanem!"
"What?? It's up to you. If you want to leave, I can't really force you to stay right? And if you want to stay, well," I said playfully when he suddenly carries me inside.
"Hey Can!! What are you doing?"
"Just me, deciding to stay." He said winking at me.
"Then put me down! You don't have to carry me like this"
"Nope! I like it this way. And besides, you're so light. Do you even eat?"
"It's not polite to joke with a woman's weight you know"
"Yeah, but as far as everyone's concern you are my girlfriend so I don't let my girl starve and be this light weight. You should eat. Speaking of eating, have you had your dinner?"
"No, not yet."
"But it's late already"
"Yeah and I'm feeling exhausted so I'd rather sleep."
"No way you'll just sleep without eating so going to kitchen then."
"Can! I really don't want to eat anymore."
"No! I want to eat, and you will too. End of discussion!"
"Ufff Can! Uffff!" I am just protesting but my heart feels so light and happy. Can is happy playing with me and I am happy playing with him too. When we reached the kitchen, he decided to put me down in the chair next to the round table I have here.
"Okay, what do we have here?"- him being so comfortable in my kitchen feels so domestic and giving me goosebumps with the all thoughts that just came to me. I was rubbing my hands on my arms when he look at my way.
"You feel cold?"
"No, just thinking of something."
"What are you thinking that's giving you goosebumps huh Sanem hanim?"
"thoughts that are  only for me Can bey"
"Oh really, I think I know a way to get it out from you" He said with a challenging voice and look.
"Uh uh! Your amnesiac self is suddenly expert on me now huh"
"Nope, I think I just know that this trick will always win" he said winking while coming onto me. I am alarmed that I suddenly get up from the table and bolted or the other side of the room.
"Can, what are you planning to do?" I ask while running away from him.
"Oh no, you cannot run from me, I can easily catch you."
"Oh yeah, because you're Can Divit the big bear"
"What did you just call me?"
"The big bear? Why?"
"Oh you're really asking for it huh."
I don't know where to go anymore because he's just so fast I am suddenly in caged in his arms and him tickling me everywhere.
"Can stop!" I shouted while giggling.
"Can! Can!" His hands are everywhere and I can't stop but laughing and shouting.
"Can, please" I can't breath anymore when he just suddenly stop but still holding me. I didn't noticed we're both in the floor now because I was trying to get away from him and him just keep on tickling me. And then he stops! My head in his left biceps, my face flustered on his chest. His left hand right below my breast. I was laughing and giggling when I feel the change in his touch. He's not tickling me anymore. His right hand just stayed there, down below my breast and I'm feeling hot and bothered. I'm afraid to look at his eyes because I don't know what to see on it. But I can't help it so while still flustered on his chest, he smells good by the way, I look up to his face and see the things I can do to this man. It's al out there, in the window of his soul, the desire that cannot be mistaken. The feelings of desire he has for me. I'm feeling sooo hot and have the urge of just to kiss him. I really want to kiss him but I don't know if that's okay with his situation right now. But it looks like we have the same thought because he just keeps on staring at my lips too and I can totally see it in his eyes that he's so want it too.
"Can" I whisper
"Sanem" he whispers back but it feels like a question too. So I nod.
And then he kisses and our world suddenly stops!
Yes! It literally stop!
Ahhhh I missed this.
I missed his kisses.
I missed his lips on me.
His hands on me.
Speaking of hand, I don't know how does it but his right hand is still on the below part of my breast. But it's somehow moving. Kneading my muscle there and it feels so good. It feels so good I want his hands all over me. We didn't really get into this part of our relationship before because I was living with my parents and it felt wrong before but now it just feels so right. His lips on me, his hands on me, me, in the mercy of his hands and body and it feels so right to just surrender. Surrender my body and my desire to him. To this man. The love of my life. I was contemplating to just do that when his kisses suddenly change the tone too.
From sweet to hunger.
From sweet to thirsting.
From my lips to biting my ear.
He kisses me down my throat, my shoulder blade, back to my throat and going to the top of my breast.
His weight is all on me now.
His two hands right below my breast and his lips right above my breast.
I'm so far gone to give in when the bacteria in my stomach decided to let us know they're hungry. I want to ignore it but it seems like Can couldn't because he suddenly stops.
Talk about wrong timing to get hungry.
'Ugh! Why I didn't eat before?'
I was so annoyed with myself I didn't notice him staring at me with the laughter in his eyes.
"What?" I said, feigning annoyance in him.
"You're adorable I want to eat you."
"Then why did you stop then? You're fine doing just that."
"Because I feel like we didn't do this far before." He said seriously, and he's still on top of me. And we're still on the floor of the kitchen.
"How did you figure that out?"
"I don't know, I just feel like it. And from the short time I've known you, I know you're not that kind of woman."
"Oh really? What kind of woman do you think I am?" I ask in a challenge tone.
"Before I answer that, let's get up first and let me feed you, we can't have that monster in your stomach go wild in us, can we?" He said while giving his hand so I can grab him.
"Oh yeah I remember, My mom just send me Sarma there, it's inside the refrigerator"
"Did you just say sarma?" He ask happily.
"Yep!" I said and happily get it from the ref and give it to him.
"Why'd you just say it now? We could have devoured it already."
"Ahhhhmm we were busy doing other stuffs?" I said innocently while winking at him.
"Ahhhhhh!!! This is my favorite" he just devoured 2 then feed me one. I was laughing at his kid like manner.
"Of course I know, also my mom knows that's why he gave me a whole bowl of it good to feed an army."
I said while rolling my eyes.
"Your mom loves me" he said cheekily while feeding me. Yep, I don't fed myself anymore, he just naturally do it and eat my leftover. It feels so domestic and can't help but laugh at his proud self of knowing that my mom loves him.
"Yes she does, I think she loves you more than me."
"It's okay, I love you more." He just said so casually and so naturally like his old true self that I can't help but be shock and feel my world stop. It's the first time he said this again after the accident and after him not knowing about us and about me. It feels so good to hear him say that again despite his situation.
"Can? Did you realize what you just said?" I ask tearfully. He may have noticed my face and the emotions running in my eyes that he suddenly drop the bowl of sarma, wash his hands and come on my side.
Holding my face and my hand, "Sanem, I may not remember you but I feel you. I may not know the whole story of us but the memories of you that I know are enough to warm my heart. I may not fully remember you, but in this state of my mind right now, I have the urge to just be with you, to just hug you, to kiss you, to get to know you more. I'm feeling sad if you're sad. I'm happy if you're happy. You made me proud when you handle that meeting today and get what you wanted. You're not giving up on me, you're not giving up on us. And all those things you did, not just for me, but for my family also are all so great. Getting to know you again is just the best feeling I've felt since I got out from the hospital and knowing what happened to us. All the things that I've known right now is enough reason for me to say, you're the most wonderful woman I've met and that I'm so lucky to have you in my life. I don't even know what I did in my past life to deserve a woman like you. Your compassion, your innocence, your big heart. I may not remember everything about us, but I can totally say that  I'm lucky enough to fall in love again with the love of my life. I love you Sanem."