Boyfriend

Chapter 2

Necessary Prerequisites

"I make it a policy to try never to make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way. After all, there's always all kinds of new ways to make a complete idiot of myself. Why repeat the old ones?" - Margot Dalton

On the cheek.

Merlin, I might have just uttered the most idiotic words I had ever spoken in my lifetime, but hell had not frozen over. The earth was still spinning on its axis, and, as far as I knew, pigs had not started to fly - without the help of the Levitating Charm, that was.

I leaned forward, wrapped my fingers around his mouth to silence him, and brushed my lips quickly against his cheek. Before moving back, I moved my lips closer to his ear. "Just play along," I hissed into his ear.

Then I rocked backwards onto my heels and turned to Petunia smugly. She was staring at me like I had suddenly grown six heads. I grinned back at her cheekily. "Is there a problem, Tuney?" I asked as my lips curled even more while I used her most hated nickname that I had been forbidden to use after she started school.

She continued to gape at me. Merlin, this was fun.

"You're dating my sister?" Petunia finally managed to croak out. She looked like she was waiting for someone to yell "Gotcha!" and end this practical joke. When no one did, she stared him down beadily.

My eyes found James, and I sent him a warning look. He gulped and shifted his weight cautiously. Merlin, Potter. How many times had you asked me to Hogsmeade? Just spit out the damn answer!

"Umm, yeah," Potter answered hesitantly as he looked at me with those confused hazel eyes of his.

"See, Petunia," I interrupted quickly before the prat swallowed his tongue or peed his pants. "He's my boyfriend. I'm sure you approve. I seem to recall you saying something about him being - what was it you said?" I pretended to try to remember as I kept myself from laughing when her eyes widened in horror. "Oh, yes, cute."

"Yeah, well," she muttered under her breath.

"Mmm, I thought so too. Petunia, meet my boyfriend, James Potter."

She looked like she had swallowed her tongue whole now. James shifted his weight and then stuck out his hand for her to shake.

"Umm, nice to meet you," he greeted her awkwardly.

She took his hand in a daze.

"Oh, right, Tuney, I forgot to mention that he's also a wizard."

She dropped his hand immediately. Her face turned green, and she looked like her brain might explode. If I wasn't freaking out, I would have laughed hysterically. I mean, honestly! I was standing in the doorway of my house with my sister who was having an aneurysm because I told her that Potter was my boyfriend. Potter! My sworn enemy! Maybe there really was a hidden camera here somewhere.

"We'll be in my room, Petunia. You'll want to knock before you come in if you need to see anything from my window. It's been awhile since we've seen each other."

I grabbed Potter's elbow and brushed past Petunia. I yanked him up the stairs and into my room. I closed the door quickly and then spun around on my heels to face Potter.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demanded.

He opened his mouth to reply, but I interrupted him. The most wonderful idea had just entered my mind.

"Hold on," I told him. Then I did my loudest, most obnoxious impression of the nitwit girls at school. The giggle that erupted from my lips was so high-pitched that I wanted to shield my ears. "James!" I squealed in a loud, breathy voice that would definitely carry down the stairs. I smiled. Perfect.