HIDDEN ─ marvel

XXXVIII. The Older Sibling

"I went on a date the other day," Khari says. This makes me pull back and stare at him in shock. He shrugs as he sees my reaction. "I thought I would try..."

"Well, how did it go?"

"He was very kind, very considerate. He is a Jabari soldier named Kellan. I didn't even make it through the whole date before I broke down and told him I couldn't continue with it," he shakes his head, wiping a tear away. "I thought that maybe after five years I would move on...but I loved Alex. I don't think I'll ever move on from him."

I nod my head, feeling my lip quiver. "I know just how you feel."

"So I'm guessing you haven't tried to go on anymore dates?"

I shake my head, staring at the glowing lights of the torches throughout the city. "My therapist keeps telling me I should, but I know there's no point. She keeps telling me to move on. She says going on dates will lead to me finding love again. She says through time I'll make peace with what's happened. But you know, the only peace I get is when I help other people deal with what Thanos did. Being able to bring them some sliver of hope for the future gives my life meaning, but I can't seem to bring myself to find that same hope."

"Hope to be happy again?"

I feel the tears stream down my face faster as I continue. "I don't go on dates because I know I won't fall in love again. No one can ever take Bucky's place. I would rather keep myself alone and miserable, than open myself up to loving someone else. I don't want to move on. If I do, what if that person is ripped from me too? I'm afraid to love again. And that's the hardest part of all this. I fought so hard for so long to never loose sight of who I am. Over these past few years I've felt my hope for the future, my optimism, my faith slowly break away. I feel like I'm becoming the hardened, cynical person I've fought so hard not to become."

Khari wipes the tears from my cheeks. "You aren't becoming a cynic. Not wanting to open yourself up again is normal given what's happened to you. Everyone doesn't want to risk getting their hearts broken again. I'll tell you the reason why you aren't losing sight of yourself; you could have stayed in bed for the rest of your life and locked out the world, but you chose to step up and help those who needed you. Despite everything you were going through, despite facing a man who killed billions of people with no remorse, you still believe in the good in people. After all these years you still fight for the good in this world. I know that just by the smile on your face when you see all the people of earth coming together to heal and rebuild. You're still the same woman. Even though you've been through more pain than you deserve, that pain isn't going to change you into something you're fundamentally not."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

I try to take a deep breath and rub at my eyes, using my therapists method of counting each breath until I calm down.

"Thank you, Khari. I wouldn't have gotten through these past five years without you by my side."

"Neither would I," He says smiling sadly at me. "You're my best friend, and no matter what gets thrown at you, you will always be the selfless and compassionate woman that I look up to. That Alex looked up to."

I curl up against his chest again and release a breath, feeling his arms wrap around me, one hand stroking my hair gently. I always wanted my brother with me, but now his absence felt like a gaping whole in my chest that expands with every breath. For several moments, I feel like I'm drowning; the only thing keeping me from slipping into the void is Khari's arms around me.

I feel a buzz in my pocket. I jump back at first, still not used to carrying around a cellphone in my pocket. I pull away from Khari, wiping my eyes and seeing that Steve is calling me. I open my phone and press the answer button, hearing his voice on the other line sounding rather confused.

"Soroya, I need you to come back here."

"Why? Is everything alright?"

"Well, I don't know really. It's hard to explain. I know it's something you'll want to hear. I'll be there in twenty minutes, I'm on my way there now."

"Alright, I'll meet you at the palace." I say, before pressing end on the call. I look back at Khari, who takes the words right out of my mouth.

"Duty calls?"

I nod, standing up and offering my hand out to him, which he takes. "Can you do me a favor and take the shoes and necklace back to my room?"

Khari nods. "Of course. What does Steve need?"

"He didn't say," I tell him as we make our way back into the house. "But whatever it is, he sounded like he was bouncing off the walls."

"Like he was excited?"

"Kind of. I'll tell you what news he has for me later tonight when I get a chance. Though I bet it's nothing, probably just another mission."