Icha Icha Ichiraku

Chapter One- Icha Icha holy sh-

A/N
This may sound a little harsh, but if you comment rudely on ANY character I will delete your comment. Whether it be an OC, canon, or more OCs I will delete it. There is enough hate in this world as it is, so spreading more hate onto something that should make you happy is a no-no.
That being said, I welcome constructive criticism with open arms! Just remember this story is for shits and giggles.
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Loren Foster has come across an enigma. No, not the communication machine used in WWII by Nazi Germany, rather the more pleasant definition. Rather a little boy that happens to eat at her workplace religiously. What confused her about him was the problem, the enigma. Maybe it was the fact he always smiled like the sun, maybe it was the fact he never got tired of ramen, or maybe it was the fact that this certain boy hosted a certain parent killing demon.
So how in the name of Madara's sexiness did he manage to turn her life up on it's head in the span of one week?
Who knows?
Because Loren sure doesn't.
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A small ramen stand was tucked away in the bustling streets of Konoha. Many shinobi went there after duty due to the fact that the shop closed late at night, fitting in with their tight schedules. It was a hidden gem that served fresh ramen made right before your eyes, yet the prices kept themselves reasonable for such quality food. Despite being popular it remained to keep a humble vibe, serving anyone and everyone despite looks or status. Hell, if the Hokage walked in they wouldn't bat an eye but instead treat him as a normal customer.
The shop was owned by a kindly man named Tuechi who seemed to have a permanent smile etched into his face. His young (and pretty) daughter Ayame worked there to serve the family business, and she certainly was no eye sore for the shinobi who came by after missions. Their last worker was a girl named Loren Foster, ex-kunoichi, and delivery girl extraordinaire. Since having her join the ranks Tuechi decided to start doing deliveries to wounded shinobi, civilians, and elderly people who simply couldn't get out of their homes. It was a kind thing to do, yet still practical in the aspects of business. Loren was perfect for the job. She was social, could easily make others laugh, and always delivered on time.
The only problem was that Loren Foster was, in essence, a complete and utter idiot.
Of course she would adamantly deny it, but those who have met her could vouch for the claim. She was hopelessly blunt, honest, and terrible at reading social cues. However she wasn't socially inept, no, in fact she was a social butterfly that could go on and on for hours on end, she was an idiot because she didn't care who she went off to. The head of TI could walk into her house demanding that she be arrested and she would casually brush it off like it was nothing. Nothing could break her cool.
And that's how she ended up being hogtied to a log and carried to the Hokage's office like a sack of potatoes.
How, you ask? It all started when she wanted to buy a new volume of Icha Icha.
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Loren was doing rounds around the village. She cruised by on her bike with a bag of Ichiraku ramen on the back. It was a nice warm day with little to no clouds in the sky, as per usual, and the Hokage Monument seemed to glow under the early spring sun. She delivered without a hitch, and got a few hefty tips along the way. Loren slowed her bike to a stop once she neared Ichiraku. She parked the bike slinging the reddish orange bag over her shoulder and walked into the back, setting it down. Ayame waved to her as she did dishes and Tuechi poked his head over the side of the door frame.
"Ah, Loren! I hope that the deliveries went well." Tuechi smiled and went back to cooking up a bowl of Miso ramen with extra pork. Loren eyed it hungrily as she got out of her work clothes and into a red skirt and blouse.
"Easy as pie, how's business doing here?" She asked whilst tying a red bandanna around her neck, replacing the Ichiraku one each of the workers seemed to wear.
"Doing fine, how about you take a seat and get some food? You've been eyeing this bowl like it's a millionyen." He chastised her. Loren chuckled guiltily and walked out into the front, taking him up on the offer of a quality bowl of ramen to satisfy her hunger.
"You caught me, can't blame a girl for being hungry." She sat down next to a shinobi with brown hair tied up and a large scar across his nose. He seemed to be scolding one of her regulars, Uzumaki Naruto, about what it meant to be a shinobi. Ayame started making her regular bowl of Seafood Udon.
"Pleaaase Iruka-sensei!" Naruto begged rubbing his hands together. Loren shamelessly eavesdropped on the conversation while sipping a cup water she gratefully accepted from her boss.
"No way. You can only wear the leaf headband when you graduate from the academy and become a ninja. You've gotta pass the test tomorrow." He spoke in a professional manner, but the image was ruined as he messily slurped noodles into his mouth. Naruto crossed his arms and huffed indignantly.
"I want another bowl!"
"Wha-" Iruka choked.
"Coming right up!" Tuechi intervened before the man could deny it. Iruka stared dejectedly at his thinning wallet as Naruto chugged down the rest of his fourth bowl. Loren couldn't suppress a chuckle at his antics and earned a confused and slightly annoyed stare from the boy. She smiled in return, breaking her chopsticks in two and started on her meal. For such a petite girl she ate a lot, and quickly. It was slightly startling, and most definitely concerning(for normal people, of course).
Naruto had seen the girl around the shop before making deliveries but never had the need to call upon one, credit to Kyuubi making sure he was healthy. He watched her eat with a nod of acceptance that could only come from a fellow ramen enthusiast.
"Hey lady! You've got one hell of an appetite! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage, believe it!" He declared. Iruka smacked him over the head for his blunt comment.
"I'm sorry Miss, he can get a little over excited." Iruka apologized but Loren just laughed it off.
"It's fine, I like his spunk." Her smile never left her face. She couldn't help it, the ball of sunshine's energy was contagious. "That's a big goal you've got there kid, but make sure to make me the number one delivery girl of Konoha when you become Hokage!"
Naruto lit up at the comment, which he took as praise. No one had ever said that he would actually become the Hokage before. "Yeah I will, believe it!"
They spent the rest of the night chatting merrily, and leeching off Iruka for money to pay for the ungodly amount of ramen they consumed. Loren handled Naruto's boundless energy with ease, mainly due to the fact she and him both seemed to talk a hundred miles per minute. They spoke of unimportant things, mostly stories of the academy or deliveries. Iruka found himself joining in on the conversation and quipping his own ideas when Naruto's stories became too ludicrous (like how he claimed to be the best in the academy and single handedly took everyone down). Loren just laughed it off enjoying the evening. Soon the night came to an end, and the shop was closing up. The bustling streets dwindled down to just a few people also closing their shops or shinobi retiring for the day.
"Hey, Neechan." Naruto spoke up. He rubbed his hands together nervously, hoping she took well to the nickname. Loren broke into a grin at the honorific. She had always wanted a little brother.
"What is it, whiskers?"
He blushed, "W-Wish me luck on the graduation exam!" He yelled. Naruto had failed all previous years, and each time had no one there to comfort him and tell him everything would be okay. He was always alone on that swing watching the other kids talk excitedly with their parents. His gaze turned downcast as he thought about it.
"How 'bout I come and see you for myself? Whad'ya say, whiskers?" Loren placed a finger under his chin and tilted his head upwards. Naruto lit up like a firework and flashed her a bashful grin.
"Believe it!"
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Loren sat patiently on a bench near the academy with a sakura tree overhanging it, the petals drifting lightly in the wind catching the morning sun and sending arrays of color across the otherwise bland cement. She read her favorite book, Icha Icha Paradise, whilst waiting for a little blonde. She was still confused as to why she seemed to be attracted to the little boy, and how he was so happy all the time. If anything she should hate him, call him demon, and shun him out of the village like the others but she couldn't. Drawing herself from her musings, she closed the book as academy students started to walk by and over to class. Loren took the morning off to wish him luck, and would pick him up in the afternoon to go do something fun.
"Hey! Whiskers!" She waved down the boy in question. He grinned and ran over, bouncing with energy. "You better pass the exam! It's the first step to becoming the Hokage." She smiled, ruffling his hair. Naruto's eyes welled with tears, but he somehow gave her an even bigger smile.
"I will, 'ttebayo!" He gave her a double thumbs up and ran off.
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Later that day Loren was strolling down the street in search of somewhere to bring Naruto. She stopped in front of the bookstore to see if there was anything interesting to add to her shelves, and did a double take when her eye caught a certain poster.
"ICHA ICHA SIGNED LIMITED EDITION VOLUMES??!"
She sprinted into the store at ninja speed, weaving around customers and shelves with practiced ease. Frantically looking for her prize, Loren failed to see the shinobi in her way. She collided into him with the force of a fan girl running towards a shirtless Sasuke, which rivaled that of a wild ox. They both fell back and books scattered across the floor. Loren didn't bother to apologize when her eyes landed on the prized piece of literature she had been searching for. She scrambled over like the depraved woman she was, losing any ounce of dignity she held, and held up the book as if it was the Ten Commandments.
"Oi."
A dark aura surrounded the man she bumped into. He was a shinobi from the looks of it, and had gravity defying silver hair. His one visible eye was narrowed to a slit as he glared at her with the utmost hatred one could fathom. A cold, steely killing intent wafted out of him that would send any shinobi running, much less a civilian.
What this man didn't know was that Loren could give less shits.
"Mine." She hissed and scrambled over to the counter. She threw the allotted amount of yen at the terrified cashier who seemed to have wet his loins and made a mad dash to the door. She was stopped short by an iron grip on her shoulder. She turned to face the man she borrowed (stole) the book from.
"And where do you think you're going?" His tone was that of a commander, the steely coldness demanding attention.
Only then did Loren recognize the legend. An ex-anbu captian. Her eyes widened a fraction of a centimeter before narrowing back into a protective and calculating glare. She knew this man could best her in a fight like taking candy from a child. A multitude of scenarios ran through her mind as she tried to find the best way to escape with the book, and preferably all her limbs intact.
So she did the first good answer that came to mind.
"RAAPEE!" She screeched. The silver haired man let go choking on air, his ever-present indifference thrown in the trash. She used his surprise to body flicker away. Loren suppressed her chakra signature and started to roof hop away. She knew it was only a matter of time before the tracker in nin caught up, so she made haste. The world around her blurred as she made a mad dash towards the safest place she could go.
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