a beautiful world | wolfstar

they were lost

Ah, the awkward silence. The two boys avoided each other's gaze, glancing around the room, picking at their nails, chewing their lips.

"Reg, I'm sorry - "

"I'm really sorry, okay - "

They both stopped, looking at the other directly.

Regulus then turned to his hands. "I left the group."

"Y-yeah?"

"Yeah. I made friends with one of them, too."

Sirius nodded slowly. "Who?"

"This guy called Barty Crouch."

"Ah, okay. I've heard of him."

"He's nicer than the rest." Regulus looked up again, smirking. "Well, as nice as a maniac can be."

Sirius grinned. "Well, you'd know a thing or two about maniacs, wouldn't you?"

"Obviously," Reg declared. "Growing up with two of them does tend to give one a clearer insight into their behaviours."

"Especially if one has to do so on one's own, because their selfish, good-for-nothing brother abandoned them for a better life." Why did it hurt so much to smile?

Regulus stilled. His smile faded. "But when that brother offered to take one with him on no less than seven occasions, and one refused it due to cowardice, or maybe pride, I don't suppose much blame can go to the brother in question."

"And that's where you're wrong."

"This wasn't your fault."

Sirius snorted. "I left you."

"You came back though."

"Reg - "

"Sirius," Regulus interrupted. Sirius couldn't look at him. His heart was pounding. His breathing was too quick, too shallow.

"Sirius, you are not to blame," Regulus said softly.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"But you don't." Sirius tried to calm down. But his pulse was too frantic beneath his fingers. The silence of the library was far too close to his ears.

"Sirius, please, please don't blame yourself." Regulus leaned forward, trying to meet the other's eyes. "You can't blame yourself, okay?"

"Too late."

It's my fault, it's my fault, he will always be broken, and I'm the one who left him, he didn't deserve this -

Sirius heard Reg push his chair out. Finally looking up, he saw his brother standing beside him, offering his hand.

His eyes burned. "I'm an awful brother."

"No, you aren't."

"You shouldn't forgive me."

"Are you gonna fucking hug me or not?"

Sirius stood up and pulled Reg into a hug. They were both swallowing back tears, clinging onto each other so tight that breathing was made difficult.

"I'm sorry," Sirius kept mumbling. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," was the recurring reply. It wasn't - Sirius still couldn't really breathe - but maybe it was better. Maybe.

"How dare you make such a racket?!"

They jumped apart at the shout. Madame Pince glared at them, eyes filled with fury.

"Sorry, we're sorry!" Regulus put his hands up in surrender, spouting apologies.

"Get out! OUT!"

The two boys scrambled out of the library, terrified. She stood in the doorway, shrieking after them. "Never in all my life - !"

They didn't bother sticking around to hear the rest. Coming to a stop a couple of corridors away, they stood leaning against a wall, panting heavily.

"Bloody hell," Sirius gasped. "She's crazy."

"Her and mother would get along wonderfully."

"Indeed."

They bit their lips. Regulus started to snigger. Sirius mock-glared at him.

"How dare you say something like that about your own mother?"

Regulus shrugged. "I've said worse."

"To her face?"

"Not everyone is as stupid as you, Siri."

Sirius smiled at the old nickname.

"Perhaps not."