moving up

Chapter 23

He can tell that Ochako isn't exactly thrilled about the news, when he gets up the nerve to come clean to her. Well, why would she be? After Izuku had finally decided to focus on her, to let go of what he was sure could never be between him and Katsuki, he had gone right back to Katsuki, just to see if anything could happen. In fact, he won't be surprised if she tells him that she's done with him completely after this, and maybe that would be for the best. Everything would certainly be less complicated, even if it would make work a hell of a lot more awkward than it already is.

But when she finally gathers her thoughts enough to speak, she says, "I guess I sort of knew something like this would happen. I mean, I hoped it wouldn't, but things were just too complicated between you guys for it to turn out any different."

"Ochako, I'm really sorry, I didn't want-"

"I get it," she interrupts him. "I really did hope that things weren't as complicated as they seemed, and that we could just forget about all of that and you could move on, but I always knew that that wasn't realistic. So I guess this means that we're..." She doesn't finish the sentence, but Izuku knows what she means, just as well as he knows that it has to be true.

Things have to be over between the two of them, if he's going to continue what he has with Katsuki. And,even if he weren't going to, would he really be able to continue things with Ochako? Even after cutting things off with Katsuki? He isn't sure if he would have the right to do something like that, and he knows that Ochako deserves better than someone like him.

He realizes that he's taken too long to respond, but when he opens his mouth to say something, anything, Ochako continues. "It's really stupid, but sometimes I even wished...okay, this is going to sound weird, but sometimes I wished it wasn't a choice. Like, it didn't have to be complicated, and you didn't have to choose between either of us. I guess...I wished that you could choose both?"

"B-both?!" he asks, surprised to hear her say something like that out loud.

"Well, it sounds like it would be easier than having to choose one..."

"I..." As strange as it is, she does have a point, and he would be lying to himself if he said he had never wished for something like that as well. "I guess that makes sense, but wouldn't that be kind of unfair? To you and Kacchan, I mean, because...well, it would be very selfish of me."

"I guess so," she mumbles, "but maybe I'm the selfish one, since I would be okay with it? I have no idea how Katsuki would feel, I've barely even considered it."

"I don't think that makes you selfish. And I have no idea what Kacchan would think, he's always so difficult to figure out. Sometimes I think he would be the jealous type, but other times he acts like he couldn't care less what I do. And then there's that whole thing with Tenya..."

"With Tenya?! What thing with Tenya?"

Izuku's eyes widen as he realizes what he's said. "I-I-I...! You...I didn't say anything!"

"I can't just forget something like that!" Ochako protests. "Katsuki has a thing with...with Tenya?! You're not pulling my leg, are you?!"

"I really shouldn't say anything about it!"

"But you already have, so you better spill the rest!" she insists. "If it has something to do with Katsuki then it has something to do with us, doesn't it?"

"I...I guess, but still!" Sighing, Izuku says, "Alright, but I don't know if Tenya knows that I know, and I'm sure Kacchan would be mad if I just came out and told you..."

"But you two just talk about us like it's nothing? Come on, it's not fair that you get to keep all the secrets to yourselves."

Her words sting, but he knows that she's right, and it's his guilt that leads to him saying, "Katsuki and Tenya were sort of involved."

"Sort of, how?"

"W-well, they weren't dating, but they..."

" Oh , they were like that , huh? Wow! Are you sure it's that Tenya?"

"I mean, who else would it be? I think he would have specified if it was someone I didn't already know. He says that he doesn't like him, but since he said he was going to talk to him...I mean, for him to be willing to talk, that's got to mean something."

"It's definitely got to mean something," she agrees. "Wow, that's just...I had no idea! Tenya ?"

"I was pretty surprised too. They're like complete opposites, and Tenya is so..."

"Exactly, and Katsuki is so..."

"Exactly!"

"So, what you were saying before was...Katsuki might be jealous of me, or he might not care at all," Ochako muses. " Or he might be more concerned with how that might work with Tenya?"

"He says he doesn't like him, but I really don't know about that. So, yeah, I don't know if that's what he's thinking, but it's a possibility. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking for me, cos if we were both having a hard time choosing, and we both didn't want to have to choose, then he would probably understand."

"This really isn't the conversation I thought I would be having today when I woke up this morning," Ochako jokes.

"I'm really sorry about everything," he says sincerely, knowing that "sorry" doesn't really cover how terrible he feels for stringing her along and dragging her into a complicated situation, only to try and find a way out of making a decision. "I never wanted to hurt you, or-"

"Izuku," she says, stopping him, "I told you already. I've done a lot of thinking about it before you even told me, and I think the fact that I'm suggesting you try to find a way to make it work both ways shows that I'm not as mad as I probably should be."

There isn't much he can say to that. He's still sorry, but if she won't hear any more of that, then he doesn't think he should keep apologizing. And, if he isn't apologizing, he has no idea where to go from there, so he's stuck, trying to think of something he can say.

Ochako, however, is still hung up on the idea of Katsuki and Tenya. "You know," she says, "if it were anyone but Tenya, I think it'd be really easy to talk to them about a more...open? Or, I guess bigger relationship? But since it's Tenya..."

She doesn't have to finish her sentence for Izuku to know exactly what she means.