Voiceless Expression Of The Soul

5. Live is life

2:03 p.m
27th july,2019

"Things just seemed to go too wrong too many times."
Last words by Tony Hancock before he committed suicide

British comedian and actor

5. Live is life

I don't feel like myself anymore. I can no longer be as strong as I pretend to be. I went straight inside the kitchen in search of something sharp. "Cut deep enough to slit your wrist !" strong voice screamed inside my head. Cutting ; a word I hear often in my head. I was too scared to cut myself. Instead I took handful of chilli powder and ate it. It was too spicy and the taste started rising from mildest to hottest.

Can you imagine the flames on my mouth? I cried loudly and very badly not because the mouth was on fire, because of the burning in my heart. Whenever the head is in conflict , feeling the pain in physical form is very relieving. Self harm does hurt so much, but it doesn't hurt as much as heart does.

People who deal problems, mental illness, and psychological factors such as stress, depression, anxiousness, loss of pleasure in life, thought suppression and many often decide to end their life. Whenever we are struck with any kind of above difficulty it might be big or small, reasonable or silly, the first thing that pops up in our mind, "I can't do this anymore. It would be better if I am no more." Slowly with this kind of negative thoughts an idea to commit suicide or self harming as a method to cope arises.

It is difficult to explain and words won't be enough to express out. No one can ever know what is going on their mind. It becomes hard than we imagine it to be.

Such situations are like living in a two messed up world, where a war between heart and mind will take place on regular basis. You want to live but feelings and thoughts won't let you live. At the other side you want to end everything but the same feelings and thoughts will pull you back to life. A worst helpless situation isn't it?

Firstly, you need to clear your mind. Question yourself, " Will it solve all your problems? Is it all worth doing?" I would heavily disagree. I know mental illness and psychological pressures are serious issues but still we can overcome it.

Never ever bottle up your emotions. It's dangerous because it will push you to take unexpected decision. You need to talk. It can be scary at first to reveal how you feel but you should consider talking to someone who really cares. Use hobbies or other factors as a method to cope up. Try to find out what triggers you most to commit self harm and try to overcome it. If it becomes serious seek professional help, not self harm.

Situations maybe almost like you are hanging on cliff hanger. You have no idea whether you'll fall or survive. There you need patience ! You should try to calm every cell in your body. That calmness will invade your mind and you may find a way to escape. And then hope ! When you have strong hope it will change your perspective on everything. Hopelessness and impatience may lead you to downfall and no one will pick you up again. Not all are lucky enough to get a second, third, fourth chance in life. Prayer and patience, that's all it is.

The act of taking one's own life is sin and one of the cowardest thing. Realize your self worth. Try to be little less weaker and little more stronger than yesterday. Everything has a solution and eventually, everything will turn out well. Without ups and down life wouldn't be same. After all, life is to live !

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I want to conclude this with an even more super positive words but unfortunately when I started writing this I became bit depressed. So I couldn't complete this piece properly. To those who all are depressed I hope you will find this helpful and comforting.